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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990, 2000 and 2010.

The table below shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990, 2000 and 2010.
The given table compares
milk
Use synonyms
production
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 in four regions between 1990 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,it can be clearly seen that
while
Linking Words
 the
production
Use synonyms
 of
milk
Use synonyms
 was the highest in the
Netherlands
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 and
Australia
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,
Tanzania
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and
Guatemala
Use synonyms
 produced
lower
Correct word choice
less
show examples
milk
Use synonyms
 over the time period. As the table shows, in 1990, the highest litre of
milk
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 was produced by the
Netherlands
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, at 11,262,000.
While
Linking Words
 the
production
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 of
milk
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 in
Tanzania
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 and
Guatemala
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 was only 87,000 and 26,000
litres
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 respectively, the second-highest
litres
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 of
milk
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 was produced by
Australia
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, accounting for 11,246,000litres. In 2000, the
Netherlands
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 was still the largest producer of
milk
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 with 11,155,000
litres
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.
Australia
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 produced a lower amount of
milk
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, at 11,105,000.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the
production
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 of
milk
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 in
Tanzania
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 was 1,42,000
litres
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, which was twice as much as higher, which was only 55,000
litres
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 for
Guatemala
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. Turning to 2010, the
Netherlands
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 was the highest producer of
milk
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 with 11,466,000
litres
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the second-largest producer of
milk
Use synonyms
 was still
Australia
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, accounting for 9,165,000
litres
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.The
production
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 of
milk
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 in
Tanzania
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 and
Guatemala
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 was 1,55,000 and 84,000
litres
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 respectively
at the end
Linking Words
 of the term.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words milk, production, netherlands, australia, tanzania, guatemala, litres with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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