IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
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To begin
 with, the main reason is to attract
customers
.
This
 means that whenever a new object arrives, it results in keeping the old objects and
also
 acquiring others.
For example
, Al Haramain Perfume Company is famous around the world for its continuously coming out products with different types of "Oud", as other factories do too, having the biggest profit
overall
.
Furthermore
,
this
 is not exactly a good way to attract
customers
 and has a negative impact on creating trust issues. If factories always believe that they will win by lying to
customers
then
 it is definitely not the right move. Let us take Apple company as an example. They have been producing mobile phones for more than 10 years and annually. The
last
 four generations that have been produced are almost identical, their style, camera and type are slightly different or have no similarity.Despite
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 they always claim that a new phone is coming. Recent research now predicts that in the
next
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
coming years,
customers
 will decline and another company will take the lead. In conclusion, there is no doubt that companies producing new items will benefit greatly, but at the same time will not spread fake news
due to
 lack of trust and bad reputation. Recently, the owners of the businesses went to the media and claimed that they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 created something that
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 never been seen before.
This
 essay will explore the reasons behind
this
 type of advertising and mention in detail how it is a negative development.
Submitted by hadvaniparth1 on

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Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, make sure your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. In this case, more in-depth discussion on why newness in advertising is appealing to businesses and a clearer stance on whether this development is positive or negative would strengthen your task response.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay could benefit from clearer organization. Introduce your main points in the opening paragraph and ensure each following paragraph focuses on a single main idea with clear topic sentences.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and make your essay more cohesive. This also involves improving the transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your points. Specifically, explain how and why these examples illustrate your arguments, rather than simply stating them.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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