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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Men should go to work and women place is in the home. To what extend do you agree or disagree

#men #work #women #place #home
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There is an argument for
role
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 distribution between
men
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 and women. Several people assert that males should take the
role
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 of working and Females should pay attention to choirs in the home and parenting.
However
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, I do not agree with
this
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 statement for some reasons.
To begin
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 with, the way how those people separate the assigned duties between
men
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 and women is not a trendy standard in modern society and is
also
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 a biased strategy. Before the Industrial Revolution, most work required physical resources, which naturally led
men
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 to go out for work and females to stay at home
while
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 focusing on parenting and
housework
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. Because of that, the idea of separating the roles in that way was widespread.
However
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, the pattern of industry nowadays is quite different and diverse compared to the past.
Moreover
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, a lot of fields of business industries in the modern world need more female worker because of their efficiency and
specialty
Change the spelling
speciality
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. Frequently, female leaders run important business.
Additionally
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, some surveys revealed the percentage of
men
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 in
housework
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 has been skyrocketing in the
last
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 few decades.
According to
Linking Words
 an interview with a man who is taking a
role
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 in
housework
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, he commented that he found his special ability to care for babies and clean the house,
whereas
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 his wife said she desired to achieve her career development. Regarding
this
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, it seems they found the perfect
role
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 distribution between them and both are happy with their current positions. In conclusion, the statement that
men
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 must go to work, and women must take
housework
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 positions is a prejudiced and old custom that was fit in the Stone Age.
Thus
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, the standard of separating roles should be more focused on an individual's abilities.
Submitted by pjh011205 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay has a clear position throughout and avoid inconsistencies or contradictions.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to clearly link and organize your ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to fully support your main points and enhance your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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