IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that traditional culture can be destroyed as money-making attractions to tourists. However, others believe that it is the only way to save traditions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that ancient rituals can be harmed as a
money
Use synonyms
-making
atraction
Correct your spelling
attraction
 to tourists,
while
Linking Words
 others contend that
this
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 is the only way to preserve traditions. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both these views and why I favour the former. First and foremost, some people may think
making
Correct word choice
that making
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 to attract tourists is a good way to preserve ancient
ritual
Fix the agreement mistake
rituals
show examples
. Because people would perform their traditional
culture
Punctuation problem
culture,
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 attracts
visitors
Use synonyms
 from all over the world, making them curious about their ritual and
will
Correct pronoun usage
they will
show examples
 pay
money
Use synonyms
 to explore it.
For example
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, some ethnic minorities have some traditional dances in some important ritual, when foreign
visitors
Use synonyms
 see that they may be attracted and try to experience it for
money
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 way would enhance the economy, preserve and
marketing about
Wrong verb form
market
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 the nation, but
this
Linking Words
 view is not sound as it seems.
In addition
Linking Words
, some
bodies
Check wording
people
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 would do anything to earn
money
Use synonyms
 from
visitors
Use synonyms
 , but they do not have strong knowledge about some ancient rituals. So they could do it wrong , which makes tourists think wrong about the
culture
Punctuation problem
culture,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 harms
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 image of the nation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some rituals have too many meanings that
visitors
Use synonyms
can
Rephrase
cannot
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 understand , so they will feel waste their
money
Use synonyms
 to see it and have a bad impression of the ritual. In conclusion,
while
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 there are some valid reasons to believe that fund-making attracts
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 can preserve traditional culture. It is my view that
this
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 action can not save the tradition , and some bad individuals can take advantage of
this
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 that harm the ancient ritual.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly explain both sides of the argument. You can add a bit more detail about why some people think preserving culture through tourism is good.
task achievement
Your examples should be more specific and detailed. Instead of just saying 'traditional dances,' explain a certain dance and its importance.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words to connect your ideas better. Words like 'however,' 'furthermore,' and 'for example' can help make your writing flow more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion should briefly summarize your opinion and the main points of your essay. This gives a clear end to your argument.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion at the beginning, showing the reader where you stand on the issue.
task achievement
You attempt to discuss both views, which is important for this type of essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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