IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Scientists say that junk food is harmful to people’s health. Some say the way ask people to leas fast food is educate them.while others say education doesn’t work.discuss both sides and give your opinion.

In my opinion, both sides
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a point. It is best to educate
people
Use synonyms
 about their
health
Use synonyms
, but
on the other hand
Linking Words
, it's very hard for those
people
Use synonyms
 to receive some guidance about themselves
about
Change preposition
from
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 someone who didn'
t
Use synonyms
 stand in the same shoes. We do know that
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 is harmful for
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
,
due to
Linking Words
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
 processing mechanism
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
involved
Wrong verb form
involves
show examples
 a lot of synthetic chemicals that could damage our body.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we shouldn'
t
Use synonyms
 take
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 as a first option,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
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 eat
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long term.
People
Use synonyms
who's
Verb problem
who are
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 obsessed with
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 showed a
bad
Correct word choice
poor
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 response
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to those who don'
t
Use synonyms
 consume them.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is important for us who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the knowledge about
this
Linking Words
 to educate
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who didn'
t
Use synonyms
 know or lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
information about
this
Linking Words
 current situation. We can start small by educating them about how
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 can impact their
health
Use synonyms
 in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term.
In
Change preposition
On
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contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
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, I understand why
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 think that education won'
t
Use synonyms
 work. We need to understand the underlying problem. It is known
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that some of
Use synonyms
junk
Correct article usage
the junk
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food
Use synonyms
 prices are lower
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to fresh
food
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 who are short of money will not
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
think twice to buy
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 rather than fresh
food
Use synonyms
. They may not be thinking about what will happen in the future, as simple as they are thankful enough to have
food
Use synonyms
 on the table.  In conclusion, I do agree that
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 more damage than any good.
However
Linking Words
, we need to understand that there are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fundamental
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why some
people
Use synonyms
choosing
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 it
out of
Change preposition
over
show examples
 other options. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 problem
rooted
Verb problem
stems
show examples
 from
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 regulations. If they can create
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better policies to eradicate the root cause
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as poverty,
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 problem will significantly reduce

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coherence
Make sure to write clear topic sentences for each paragraph. This helps the reader understand your main ideas easily.
task response
You present both sides of the argument, which is good for task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • junk food
  • harmful effects
  • health issues
  • obesity
  • heart disease
  • diabetes
  • educational campaigns
  • healthy eating habits
  • marketing influence
  • convenience food
  • government regulations
  • taxes on unhealthy foods
  • personal responsibility
  • food choices
  • lifestyle changes
  • nutritional education
  • public health initiatives
  • fast-food consumption
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