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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
The line charts illustrate the alternations in
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of households with washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
,
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
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, and
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
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, and how much
Use synonyms
hours
Change preposition
of hours
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 spent doing housework per week in one country from 1920 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, either proportion of washing
machine
Use synonyms
,
refrigerator
Use synonyms
,and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner saw an increase
almost
Rephrase
apply
show examples
over the entire period,
whereas
Linking Words
 the amount of
hours
Use synonyms
 of housework in one week
continuely
Correct your spelling
continuously
 declined from 50
hours
Use synonyms
 to around 10
hours
Use synonyms
. The percentage of washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 held its leading place from 1920 to 1940, with a steady growth from 40% to 60%.
While
Linking Words
 the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 increased
similarly
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
 washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
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 during the first 2 decades, it rose quickly and caught up in 1960
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
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 70%. The blackhorse was
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Correct article usage
a refrigerator
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 appearing after 1920,
which
Correct pronoun usage
whose
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figure
Check wording
sales
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 sharply jumped to 90% in 1960 and pulled ahead of the others. Meanwhile,
hours
Use synonyms
 used for housework significantly plunged to 20
hours
Use synonyms
. From 1960,
washing
Correct article usage
the washing
show examples
machine
Use synonyms
 witnessed a slight dip in 1980,followed by
moderate
Correct article usage
a moderate
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 recovery,
leveling
Change the spelling
levelling
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 off at just over 70%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Correct article usage
the refrigerator
show examples
 and
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vacuum
Correct article usage
the vacuum
show examples
 cleaner became necessary to
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
, respectively in 1980 and in 2000. The
hours
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 exhibited a marginal drop
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
approximate
Replace the word
approximately
show examples
 10%
due to
Linking Words
 the prevalence of machines.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words machine, refrigerator, vacuum, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • electrical appliances
  • housework
  • time frame
  • variables
  • trends
  • significant milestones
  • turning points
  • correlation
  • reduction
  • influenced
  • societal implications
  • quality of life
  • gender roles
  • economic implications
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