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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

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The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
These line graphs illustrate the percentage of households with electrical appliances and the average weekly number of
hours
Use synonyms
 spent on
housework
Use synonyms
 per household in one country from 1920 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that the proportion of households with
washing
Correct article usage
a washing
show examples
 machine, refrigerator and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner rose over the period shown,
while
Linking Words
 average weekly time spent on
housework
Use synonyms
 declined steadily over the
89-years
Check wording
89-year
show examples
 period. At the beginning of 1920, the category for washing
machine
Check wording
machines
show examples
 accounted for 40%, which was more than 10% points higher than
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Check wording
cleaners
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 almost no households
owed
Verb problem
owned
show examples
 refrigerators.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 there were 50
hours
Use synonyms
 of
housework
Use synonyms
 per week for every household. Between 1920 and 1960, the
amounts
Check wording
amount
show examples
 of time consumption of
housework
Use synonyms
 gradually decreased,
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 20
hours
Use synonyms
 a week for every family.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner ownership rose steadily, overtaking the other two electric appliances to reach approximately 90% in 1960 and leading by a margin of 20 percentage points. By 2019, almost every family had
refrigerator
Correct article usage
a refrigerator
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
vacuum
Correct article usage
a vacuum
show examples
 cleaner. In comparison, the figure for washing
machine
Check wording
machines
show examples
 stood at just 70%. Eventually, the average weekly time spent on
housework
Use synonyms
 per household had fallen to just 10
hours
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, housework, vacuum with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • electrical appliances
  • housework
  • time frame
  • variables
  • trends
  • significant milestones
  • turning points
  • correlation
  • reduction
  • influenced
  • societal implications
  • quality of life
  • gender roles
  • economic implications
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