IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins.)

The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins.)
The pie charts indicate the difference
how
Change preposition
in how
show examples
canada
Correct your spelling
Canadian
 citizens
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 in sales of online for retail sectors across four categories in 2005 and 2010.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the majority is Electronics & Appliance in 2005, and food & Beverage in 2010.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, all four categories experience some degree of change. One of the most notable
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 is
change
Correct article usage
the change
show examples
 of the majority from 2005 to 2010. First of all, electronics &
appliance
Fix the agreement mistake
appliances
show examples
accounts
Correct subject-verb agreement
account
show examples
 for
largest
Correct article usage
the largest
show examples
 percentage with 35% in 2005. After five years, the majority
change
Replace the word
changed
show examples
 from electronics to
food&beverage
Replace the word
food and beverage
show examples
 with 32%.
Also
Linking Words
, all parts are more than 15% both
two
Check wording
apply
show examples
years.
However
Linking Words
, comparing the lowest numbers
both
Change preposition
of both
show examples
two
Check wording
apply
show examples
years, 2010 is
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
lower than 2005
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 15%. Interestingly, there are two types of
changing
Replace the word
change
show examples
 and it has
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 proportion. Food&Beverage increased by 10%, from 22% to 32%. The other is video games, which
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 5%
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 18% to 23%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Home Furnishings decreased by 10%
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 25% to 15%.
Finally
Linking Words
,
electronics&application
Correct your spelling
electronics and applications
 declined
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 35% to 30%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: