IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In contemporary society, social
media
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platforms
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 have become increasingly prevalent for maintaining
communication
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 and accessing real-time
information
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.
While
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this
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 trend provides notable benefits,
such
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 as enhanced interpersonal
communication
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 and
information
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 accessibility. It
also
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 offers significant drawbacks, including misinformation spread and privacy
issues
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. I definitely believe the benefits substantially outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, social
media
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 usage demonstrates essential positive impacts for enhanced interpersonal
communication
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 and
information
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 accessibility. Primarily, these
platforms
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 facilitate
people
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 to stay connected with their relatives through high-quality instant messaging and video
call
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calls
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.
For example
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, international student can maintain close relationships with their families by sharing daily content and participating in synchronous conversations via online
platforms
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 like WhatsApp and Zoom.
Moreover
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, social
media
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 enables rapid access to current news and important
information
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.
This
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 immediate availability helps
people
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 stay informed about global events, local development, and emergency situations. Thereby,
people
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 enhance their awareness and informed decision-making capabilities.
However
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, social
media
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also
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 creates considerable disadvantages that can negatively impact users and society. The main reason is the widespread
of
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dissemination of
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 false
information
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 that can mislead
people
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 and cause public confusion. These misinformation problems can lead to poor decisions and social tensions within communities.
Additionally
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, social
media
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 platform companies often collect personal data of users without
permit
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permission
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, which raises serious private
issues
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.
For instance
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,
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Correct article usage
a platforms
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platforms
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platform
show examples
 company may use personal data for targeted advertising or share user data with others. These individual privacy
issues
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 can lead to cybercrime or unwanted marketing that negatively affects users’ daily experience. In conclusion,
while
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 social
media
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 creates challenges
such
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 as misinformation spread and privacy
issues
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, the long-term benefits of enhanced interpersonal
communication
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 and
information
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 accessibility significantly outweigh the disadvantages. Society can maximise the positive effect through comprehensive digital literacy education and proper platform regulations.

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task achievement
Your essay clearly answers the question and states your position well.
coherence and cohesion
You have a good introduction and conclusion. Try to make your main points clearer.
task achievement
Make sure to include examples that are very clear and directly support each point you make.
task achievement
Your use of examples like WhatsApp and Zoom is very relevant and helps support your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Instant communication
  • Geographical separation
  • Vital sources
  • Global events
  • Networking opportunities
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Digital interactions
  • Misinformation
  • Misiformed public opinions
  • Endanger
  • Excessive use
  • Addiction
  • Mental health
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Loneliness
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