IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that zoos where animals are kept in a man-made environment should no longer exist in the 21st century. Do you agree or disagree?

Some say that
zoos
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 where creatures are kept in an unnatural environment should be banned in
this
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 century.
This
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 essay totally agrees with
this
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 statement because
animals
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 that live in these
zoos
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 are more likely to develop psychological disorders compared to their peers, and nature programs allow us to view
animals
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 without the need for a zoo. Most
animals
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 that are kept in
zoos
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 suffer from mental problems. There is an increasing number of deaths in
zoos
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 all over the world
due to
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 a lack of food. But what does
this
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 have to do with our topic? Well, WOAH has recently reported that these deaths were mainly caused by the psychological problems of the
animals
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.
As a result
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, they didn't eat, and that has led to their death. The second main reason is that high-quality documentaries remove our need to see
animals
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 in captivity.
This
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 is because TVs have
such
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 high-quality screens, and programmers are now able to offer us a very intimate glimpse of
animals
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 in their natural habitat.
Thus
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, we can get a better insight into the lives of wild
animals
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 by staying at home.
For instance
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, the BBC recently produced a series called Life in the Undergrowth, which allowed us to understand the lives of insects in stunning high definition. In conclusion, there are a lot of
animals
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 that suffer every day from the treatment of
zoos
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 in a psychological way and many other ways. And we don't need
zoos
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 to meditate on wild
animals
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 because we can see them without the need to lock them up.
Therefore
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, we must close these institutions as soon as possible.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas clearly, so readers can follow your reasoning easily.
task achievement
Add a few more clear examples to support your ideas more strongly.
coherence and cohesion
Check your introduction and conclusion to ensure they match the main point of your essay.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic, which helps guide your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ethical considerations
  • Wildlife conservation
  • Artificial habitats
  • Species preservation
  • Breeding programs
  • Animal welfare
  • Ecological awareness
  • Habitat destruction
  • Captive breeding
  • Educational outreach
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Psychological stress
  • Regulatory compliance
  • Domestication vs. wildness
  • Natural behavior
  • Economic viability
  • Tourist attractions
  • Cultural perspective
  • Public sentiment
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