IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think ‎is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people ‎around them?‎

Compared to the past,
people
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 tend to spend less
time
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 sleeping.
While
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 a variety of factors may lead to structuring our
time
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 arrangement, there are
also
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 a lot of impacts on crowds themselves and
people
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 around them.
This
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 essay will explore different
reasons
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 and the effects of those
reasons
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. From my perspective, there are two main
reasons
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 why
people
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 choose to sleep less.
Firstly
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, nowadays,
people
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 work later and later every day. There are countless things in a day. Namely, there is less and less self-
time
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 for us;
therefore
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,
people
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 will take
time
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 on those things they really like,
instead
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 of working at night.
However
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, it is usually late.
Secondly
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,
people
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 have more friends than in the past, thanks to the internet , so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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we can make friends more easily.
As a result
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, there are more parties or gatherings.
However
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,
this
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 behaviour has its price. In my opinion, the most significant one is our health problems. There are a lot of health issues
along with
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 sleeping less,
such
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 as mental instability
,
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 and depression.
According to
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 the report, the less we sleep, the higher the possibility we will get depression, and
this
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 not only affects us mentally , but
also
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 impacts other
people
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due to
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 our mental situation.
Additionally
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, we will be drained of energy once we spend too little
time
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 sleeping.
As a consequence
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, we might make wrong mistakes in
jobs
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our jobs
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 or important decisions in our lives.
Overall
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, sleeping less than we used to in the past does affect our life and others
with
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for
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 several
reasons
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.

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task achievement
Make sure all paragraphs have clear main ideas and supporting details that relate directly to the question.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to make your points clearer and stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the connections between sentences and ideas for better flow in your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion summarize your main points clearly.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
understanding of topic
You identified relevant reasons why people sleep less and discussed their effects.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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