IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have a great influence in shaping people's ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answers.

Use synonyms
Mass
Correct article usage
The mass
show examples
media
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been seen as a leading provider of news and current affairs. TV networks deliver
day to day
Use the right word
day-to-day
show examples
 coverage of different issues around the world. Radio has become one of the
favorite
Replace the word
favourites
show examples
 when it comes to isolated areas in a country.
Mass
Use synonyms
media
Use synonyms
 is truly valuable when it comes to
acess
Correct your spelling
access
 to information and
up to date
Use the right word
up-to-date
show examples
 events.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I have to agree that
mass
Use synonyms
media
Use synonyms
 have a great influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
peoples
Check wording
people's
show examples
 lives because it is common now that everybody can be aware of what is happening
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their surroundings. With the help of
television
Add a comma
television,
show examples
 it is easier to connect with
people
Use synonyms
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 for those who are interested
to be
Change preposition
in being
show examples
 part of
someones
Check wording
someone's
show examples
 idea.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 watch television
so
Use the right word
to
show examples
 get the latest fashion trends, listen to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
popular music and follow their
favorite
Use the right word
favourite
show examples
 artists.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I have to disgaree to disagree that
people
Use synonyms
 can be influenced by
mass
Use synonyms
media
Use synonyms
. We don't know 100% if
medica
Fix capitalization
Medica
show examples
 is lying to us. They might cover up and be selective on what they present to the
people
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in that
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 it would benefit them.
For example
Linking Words
, if an Artist made a scandal, fans will think a bad impression
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 in order for him not
be
Verb problem
to be
show examples
 cancelled, they don't publish the
topi
Use the right word
topic
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, I will have to agree that
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 has a big impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
peoples
Check wording
people's
show examples
 lives.
t
Correct your spelling
It
 provides us with a clear and bigger picture of what can happen and what will happen in the future.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main opinion in the introduction. This will help the reader understand your position from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' more effectively to help your ideas flow better.
task achievement
Include more examples that directly support your points to strengthen your argument and provide depth to your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Check for spelling mistakes and grammatical errors to improve clarity. For example, 'disgaree' should be 'disagree' and 'acess' should be 'access'.
task achievement
You provided relevant reasons for your views on mass media and its influence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: