IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People in many countries spend more and more time far away from their families. Why does this happen and what effects will it have on them and their families?

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Recently, there has been an increasing number of populations spending most of their time far away from their families. Probably, there are many potential reasons for
this
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 occurrence and its inevitable consequences on an individual
as well as
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 the immediate family will be discussed in
this
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 essay. The two chief reasons for
people
Use synonyms
 to move far away from their family is personal growth financially
as well as
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 educationally. Nowadays the young generation is moving with the trend of having foreign education abroad because these institutes have a wide range of flexible courses available which are not availed in the home country.
For example
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, youth move to foreign countries to pursue their masters which consumes a certain amount of time.
Moreover
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, experienced
people
Use synonyms
 move abroad in search of job growth and a balanced work life. Mostly, companies provide them with the best offer which they cannot deny because
such
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 opportunities could be once-in-a-lifetime offers.
As a result
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,
people
Use synonyms
 spend much of their life span far away from their families in
such
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 distant locations. Despite having
such
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 advantages, there are many side effects of
this
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 culture.
Firstly
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, sending a child away overseas not only creates a tense situation for the children but
also
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 for the parents. Parents usually remain in a tense situation as they will not be able to provide psychological
as well as
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 emotional support to the child as they are not close to them.
Secondly
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, if an individual is married and has children, it becomes very difficult for that person to provide the social, and emotional development and facilitate his child’s learning crucial skills. Surely, there will be trouble in understanding the behavioural patterns of children in the future. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 are staying away from their families for their personal growth which is understandable.
However
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,
this
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 development is causing strain psychologically and emotionally.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure the introduction and conclusion are clear and distinct, reflecting the key points discussed in the body paragraphs. The introduction should set the scope of the essay, while the conclusion should summarise the main arguments effectively.
logical structure
Develop logical connections between ideas and paragraphs to ensure smooth transitions and a cohesive argument. Use linking devices appropriately to guide the reader through your discussion.
supported main points
Support main points with specific, relevant details and examples. Develop each body paragraph with clear reasoning and evidence, so that the reader can understand and be convinced by your arguments.
complete response
Cover all parts of the task thoroughly, ensuring that the reasons and effects discussed are well-elaborated. Offer a complete response by addressing both the 'why' and the 'what effects' components effectively throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and expand on your ideas to offer a comprehensive understanding of the topic. Avoid vague or generalized statements by adding more depth and detail to your explanations.
relevant specific examples
Include more diverse and detailed examples to support your points. Use specific and relevant instances that clearly demonstrate the issues and consequences mentioned.
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