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Writing Samples
Band 4

User Doctors in many countries say that people do not do enough physical exercises. What are the causes of this trend? How can the situation be improved?

User Doctors in
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of countries say that
people
Use synonyms
 do not do enough physical
Use synonyms
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
this
Linking Words
page
Add a comma
page,
show examples
 I will talk about
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 trend.
Firstly
Linking Words
, humans
nowdays
Use the right word
nowadays
show examples
not
Verb problem
are not
show examples
 into humanity anymore, they
always
Verb problem
are always
show examples
 searching for "
Happines
Correct your spelling
Happiness
"
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happines
Correct your spelling
happiness
 is around them all the time, it is in the present,
people
Use synonyms
nowdays
Use the right word
nowadays
show examples
 can not find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical
Use synonyms
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
 as
"Must"
Correct article usage
a "Must"
show examples
 thing to do for their
health
Use synonyms
, they only think about "Fun" things to do, which is not wrong, but
also
Linking Words
 it is not healthy for
thire
Correct your spelling
their
 body
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
mintal
Correct your spelling
mental
health
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, to improve
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
, there
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
should be
awarenese
Correct your spelling
awareness
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
maine problom
Correct your spelling
main problem
 ( phones and TVs
..
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
etc), to
post
Verb problem
raise
show examples
awareneses
Correct your spelling
awareness
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media, it is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 important way to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 the
solusions
Correct your spelling
solutions
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 it is the
Doctors
Fix the agreement mistake
doctor's
show examples
maine purpese
Correct your spelling
main purpose
 to aware
thire pasints
Correct your spelling
their patients
 about physical
exercises
Use synonyms
, by going to the gym or
walk
Wrong verb form
walking
show examples
insted
Correct your spelling
instead
 of
useing
Correct your spelling
using
 the car.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, physical
exercises
Use synonyms
 are
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
 thing for
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
, and if we think about it, it is
humaer
Correct your spelling
a humane
 thing to do, from the
bigining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of the world, but when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things get
easir
Correct your spelling
easier
, it
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
show examples
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
health
Use synonyms
 problems,
for example
Linking Words
: ordering food at home
insted
Correct your spelling
instead
 of going out, and cooking at home.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the situation we talk about above, it will be improved by
people
Use synonyms
thim self
Correct your spelling
themselves
,
they
Fix capitalization
They
show examples
 should
encureg
Correct your spelling
encourage
 each other by talking about
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
health
Use synonyms
, and how important for humans to get more physical
Use synonyms
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
, or any physical
happits
Correct your spelling
activity
 to improve
thire
Correct your spelling
their
heath
Use the right word
health
show examples
 situation.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay needs a clear introduction that states your main points and a conclusion that summarizes your ideas.
task achievement
Try to use clearer examples to support your ideas, like specific ways to encourage exercise, rather than general statements.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler sentences to make your ideas easier to understand. Check spelling and grammar to improve clarity.
task achievement
You have explained some causes of why people do not exercise, showing your understanding of the issue.
task achievement
You have mentioned the role of social media and doctors in improving the situation, which is a valuable point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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