IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, woman no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because woman are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree?

In many parts of the world, a growing number of
women
Use synonyms
 no longer feel the need to get married. Some argue that
this
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 shift is primarily
due to
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women
Use synonyms
’s increased ability to earn their own income, reducing the financial motivation for
marriage
Use synonyms
.
While
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 I agree that financial independence is a key factor, I believe it is only part of a broader cultural and social transformation. Undoubtedly, the economic empowerment of
women
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 has given them greater autonomy in making life decisions. In the past, many
women
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 relied on
marriage
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 for financial stability, especially in societies where female employment was limited. Today,
however
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,
women
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 are increasingly pursuing higher education, securing well-paying jobs, and becoming financially self-sufficient.
As a result
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,
marriage
Use synonyms
 is no longer viewed as a necessity for economic survival, but rather as a personal choice. Beyond economics, changing social attitudes have played a significant role. Many
women
Use synonyms
 now
prioritize
Use the right word
prioritise
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 personal development, career advancement, and individual freedom over traditional family roles. The rise of feminism and gender equality movements has challenged outdated expectations of
women
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’s roles in
marriage
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 and society.
Furthermore
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, growing awareness of marital dissatisfaction and high divorce rates has led some
women
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 to question the value of
marriage
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 altogether. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 financial independence has certainly reduced the need for
women
Use synonyms
 to marry for security, it is only one aspect of a much larger shift in values. The decline in
marriage
Use synonyms
 reflects a modern emphasis on autonomy, equality, and
self-fulfillment
Use the right word
self-fulfilment
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but you could add a more specific thesis statement to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using a clearer topic sentence for each paragraph to enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
Add specific examples or personal experiences to support your main points more effectively.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view of the topic and addresses both sides well.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas are logically organized, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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