IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Some people say that children have to listen
positive
Change preposition
to positive
show examples
 terms
such
Linking Words
 as "put more effort and you’ll
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
”, or “trying hard is the only way to achieve your goal.”
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can’t
be always
Correct word order
always be
show examples
 true in
real
Correct article usage
the real
show examples
 world. I’d like to talk about
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 and cons in
this
Linking Words
 situation. Let’s talk about
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 side first. That can encourage children because they’ll put
their effort
Rephrase
in
show examples
 more and more
.
Check wording
effort.
show examples
 Making them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
try hard can grow children’s patience since they’ll endure
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tough
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 to achieve something.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a couple of disadvantages to
say
Wrong verb form
saying
show examples
 “try hard.” Talking to
Correct article usage
the youngs
show examples
youngs
Use the right word
young
show examples
 about it was originally a kind of encouragement, but it could affect
negatively
Correct pronoun usage
them negatively
show examples
. If they fail
something
Change preposition
at something
show examples
Linking Words
although
Change preposition
though
show examples
 they put all of their energy, they’ll feel significant sadness. It is natural since they believed that their wish to
become
Verb problem
come
show examples
 true.
They
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
need children
Correct word order
Children need
show examples
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to learn a good thing for give up. Sometimes taking away can be a solution for
unescapable
Correct article usage
an unescapable
show examples
 maze.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think we need to let them know how they deal with difficult problems with useful tips.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 we need
give
Verb problem
to give
show examples
 them positive feedback and encouragement.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your main points. This helps the reader understand what your essay will be about.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words to connect your ideas. This will help the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Include more examples to support your points. This can help make your ideas clearer and stronger.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and you present both sides of the argument, which is good.
task achievement
You have a good attempt at discussing the positive aspects of encouragement for children.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
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