IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say it is government’s responsibility to transport children to school, while others believe parents should transport their children to school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Who should take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility
to transport
Change preposition
for transporting
show examples
 the
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
?
This
Linking Words
 problem
sparks
Wrong verb form
has sparked
show examples
intense
Correct article usage
an intense
show examples
 argument recently. Some people believe that
governments
Use synonyms
 should be responsible for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
transportation,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others state that
parents
Use synonyms
 ought to do it. In my opinion, these two approaches hold both benefits and drawbacks, but I prefer the second strategy. The following context will detail the reasons for it. First and foremost,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 is no doubt that
governments
Use synonyms
 can provide
more safe
Rephrase
safer
show examples
 and standard plans.
However
Linking Words
, considering the complexity of
this
Linking Words
 project, it will require a lot of buses and manpower, which might significantly increase the financial pressure
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the authorities.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
organizing
Use the right word
organising
show examples
 by the
governments
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 means less flexibility. If the
school
Use synonyms
 want to change their educational schemes or some
children
Use synonyms
 get ill occasionally, additional services should be provided, which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
confusions
Fix the agreement mistake
confusion
show examples
 and chaos.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 transportation, though it takes the time of
parents
Use synonyms
, provides a good
oppotunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 for
parents
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 to understand each
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
, contributing to stronger family ties and relationships.
This
Linking Words
 kind of parental company is
also
Linking Words
 crucial to
children
Use synonyms
's mental health, shaping their
charactistics
Correct your spelling
characteristics
 and traits.
Moreover
Linking Words
, transporting
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
 allows
parents
Use synonyms
 to participate more in the education of
students
Correct pronoun usage
their students
show examples
. After having a better understanding of students' academic performance, study experience and daily issues, they can provide necessary and contributory
advices accroding
Correct your spelling
advice according
 to their social horizon and past experience.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 are still the best
choose
Replace the word
choice
show examples
 to transport the students to
school
Use synonyms
, just like
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they have done before. The participation of
governments
Use synonyms
 will not only
spend
Wrong verb form
involve spending
show examples
 more money but
also
Linking Words
 cause potential problems.

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task achievement
Make sure your ideas are well explained and supported with examples to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of your essay by using linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use varied sentence structures to enhance your writing and keep it engaging.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view, which is a strong point.
task achievement
You express your opinion clearly in the conclusion, which is important for the reader to understand your viewpoint.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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