IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that adverts control what we purchase, while others think they are useful sources of information on products. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

In today's
Use synonyms
consumers-driven
Use the right word
consumer-driven
show examples
 world, advertising plays a powerful role in shaping
people
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's purchasing
decesions
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decisions
. Some may argue that adverts manipulate
consumers
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 and influence their choices,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
 believe they offer helpful information about products and services.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting
a
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an
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 opinion. On one hand, some
people
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 feel advertising has a controlling effect on
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consumers
Check wording
consumers'
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
. Adverts are designed to be persuasive, often appealing to emotions rather than logic. Companies invest heavily
on
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in
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 marketing strategies that create a false sense of need, especially
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
 young or vulnerable audiences.
For instance
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,
people
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 may buy
latest
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the latest
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 smartphone not because they need it, but because advertising convinces them that
owing
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owning
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 it is essential to social status and personal success.
This
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 kind of manipulation often
lead
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leads
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 to unnecessary spending or materialism.
On the other hand
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 ,Advertising can
alse
Correct your spelling
also
 be informative. They can provide useful information about
product's
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the product's
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 features, price, availability and benefits.
For example
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, when new technology or medical treatments are released, advertisements help educate
people
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 about how these products work and how they can improve their daily
life
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lives
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. In
this
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 sense,
advertisng
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advertising
 supports informed decision-making and gives
consumers
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 options they may not have been aware of
otherwise
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. In my opinion,
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Although
Fix capitalization
although
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 adverts can be misleading or false, they are not inherently harmful. When used ethically and regulated properly, advertising serves as
powerful
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a powerful
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 tool for both
consumers
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 and businesses. It becomes problematic only when it relies on misleading or exaggerated claims. In conclusion,
while
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 advertising
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 have
a
Correct article usage
the
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 power to influence consumer choices,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
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also
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offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
 important information about products. A balanced approach- where advertisement is transparent and
consumers
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 stay informed-which can make a
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 force in modern society..

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task achievement
Make sure to include a clear thesis statement in the introduction to better define your view.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of ideas by using linking words like 'firstly', 'however', and 'on the other hand'.
coherence and cohesion
Check spelling mistakes like 'decesions', 'amoung', and 'advertisng' to make your writing clearer.
task achievement
Give a clear example for each side to support your points more effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument well, showing understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes your view nicely, bringing the essay to a clear ending.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuasive techniques
  • celebrity endorsements
  • catchy slogans
  • emotional appeals
  • materialistic culture
  • competitive pricing
  • consumer demand
  • brand loyalty
  • consumer behavior
  • innovations
  • informed choices
  • misleading claims
What to do next:
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