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Band 6

Once children start to go to school, schools influence them on their intellectual and social developments more than parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

When kids start
school
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, it has a major influence on their mental and social development more than parents
.
Verb problem
do.
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 I strongly agree that
school
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's a vital effect on children can show direction to become successful in
life
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, and
school
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 has the potential to keep the basic foundation of
life
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. On the one hand, the
first
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 reason for my agreement is that without the essential qualities,
such
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 as discipline, determination, and focus, success can not be achieved. These qualities have a huge impact on making any person a respectful citizen.
As a result
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, any bad distractions can not suppress
such
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 citizens.
For example
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, the research on Asia news was published in the year 2009, and it was about the report of the top 10
schools
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 of Asia. So, in that report, the
school
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's way of teaching and handling was systematic for every student.
On the other hand
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, the
schools
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 have the
first
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 and foremost important is that they build a basic foundation for students from the very
first
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 day of
school
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.
As a consequence
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, children do not develop any bad habits like misbehaving with anyone or lying to everyone.
However
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, students are not affected by
such
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 bad habits.
For example
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, nowadays
schools
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 are very strict in terms of their rules
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and regulations, because of
this
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, the reputation of
schools
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 increases. In conclusion, parents have a crucial role, but
schools
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 are an inseparable part of
life
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, and it has priority
instead
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 of parents because
school
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 is the place where every person gets their
first
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 lesson in
life
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. The paragraphs need to clearly link to your main point.
task achievement
Expand your examples to make your ideas stronger and more clear. Specific examples help the reader understand your point better.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion should clearly map out what you will discuss and summarize what you did discuss. This helps guide the reader.
task achievement
You clearly state your opinion in the introduction.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view of the role of both schools and parents.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social norms
  • intellectual development
  • formal education
  • emotional support
  • extracurricular activities
  • peer pressure
  • life skills
  • cultural identity
  • moral values
  • academic knowledge
  • mentorship
  • cognitive growth
  • behavioral influence
  • developmental milestones
  • nurturing environment
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