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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016
The graph below depicts the
atmosphere
Replace the word
atmospheric
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 pollution level in 4 countries in 2012
Overall
Linking Words
, China produced
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 among other countries
Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 contrast with Australia
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 had the least polluted environment. It is lucid that China had been
emiting
Correct your spelling
emitting
 most
co2
Use the right word
CO2
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 and other gases by 2012, to be more
precise
Punctuation problem
precise,
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 its Electricity Generation(EG), Transports
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 well as Industries were generating 60, 70 and 80
PPM
Use synonyms
 respectively. In comparison with the biggest island, Australia, for which a pattern was considerably different
Punctuation problem
, EG
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EG
Check wording
for example
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, vehicles alongside
with
Change preposition
apply
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the manufacturing release under 20
PPM
Use synonyms
 each. It is worth noticing that in 2012 the USA was the second most
air polluted
Use the right word
air-polluted
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 region
,
Punctuation problem
.
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by
Fix capitalization
By
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 the end of the period
Transprot
Correct your spelling
Transport
 sector of America emitted approximately 60
PPM
Use synonyms
, and its
Energetic
Replace the word
Energy
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 and Industrial fields produced 30 and under 40
ppm
Use synonyms
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
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.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
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 Japan, which might be
considired
Correct your spelling
considered
 as the eco-friendliest in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of generating
electrity
Correct your spelling
electricity
, since it released only 10
PPM
Use synonyms
.
hile
Use the right word
While
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other
Correct article usage
the other
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 two
Industry
Punctuation problem
, Industry
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 and
Transporting
Punctuation problem
Transporting,
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 were polluting
air
Correct article usage
the air
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 with over 40 and 30
PPM
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
od
Use the right word
of
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 the time.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words ppm with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • donations
  • grants
  • fundraising events
  • expenditure
  • administration costs
  • program expenses
  • direct benefits
  • indirect benefits
  • underprivileged children
  • education
  • healthcare
  • shelter
  • nourishment
  • medical treatments
  • basic needs
  • financial sustainability
  • transparency
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