IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some cities create housing for growing populations by building taller buildings, while other cities have opted to build on wider areas of land. Which solution is better?

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As the figure for population is going to rise every year, many
cities
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 should provide more residential
areas
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 for their citizens.
While
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 some urban
areas
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 have addressed
this
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 issue by constructing high buildings, others have chosen to expand horizontally.
Although
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 both approaches can be practical, I strongly agree with the former method, which is building vertically, as it is more efficient and environmentally sustainable in the long term. On the one hand, some
cities
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 justifiably argue that vertical expansion is the most effective way to manage limited urban spaces. Building high structures
such
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 as flats, multi-story apartments, and skyscrapers allows for a higher population density in central
areas
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 without using extra land.
This
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 approach not only preserves green spaces and farmlands but
also
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 makes it easier to plan for some facilities and infrastructures like transportation networks and emergency services in busy
areas
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.
Moreover
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, vertical housing can reduce commuting distance, helping to decrease traffic jams and air pollution.
On the other hand
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, other groups of
cities
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 claim that horizontal expansion offers more comfortable and spacious options for people. They firmly insist that developing the buildings in wider
areas
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 can provide residents with privacy, big yards, gardens, and a more relaxed lifestyle.
However
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, I do not find
this
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 argument convincing as
this
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 method often leads to environmental damage, soil erosion, long commuting times, and the need for wider road systems. It
also
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 consumes valuable natural land, which could be used for agriculture.
To conclude
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, in my view,
while
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 both vertical and horizontal urban development can help accommodate the population, building taller constructions is a more sustainable and practical method for
cities
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 that are facing overpopulation and space limitations.

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task achievement
Expand on specific examples or studies that demonstrate the benefits of vertical construction and its environmental sustainability. This can strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Consider introducing counterarguments in more detail to enhance depth, showing awareness of different perspectives.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain focus on the topic in the last sentence of your conclusion to reinforce your main argument clearly.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines your stance on the issue, setting the tone for your response effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong, with each paragraph serving a distinct purpose in supporting your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • housing density
  • urban development
  • infrastructure
  • public services
  • economic growth
  • urban renewal
  • revitalization
  • green spaces
  • community amenities
  • commute times
  • urban sprawl
  • demographics
  • residential area
  • sustainability
  • geography
  • capacity
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