Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Many
people
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with certain diseases prefer to ask for an alternative
treatment
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than
Rephrase
rather than
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consult
to
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apply
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their personal doctor.
In
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From
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my point of view,
this
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issue has many downsides that can lead to
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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possibility of deaths among patients and
health
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professionals job opportunities will be significantly decreased. In
this
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era, other recovery methods towards
health
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problems
become
Verb problem
have become
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widespread in the world.
This
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is because
people
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who are not coming from the
health
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and medical
practitioners
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profession
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desire to be able to solve
health
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problems as their
sources
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source
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of income.
For example
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, in Pandeglang, a district in Indonesia,
people
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commonly ask for
treatment
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with
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in
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alternative
Correct article usage
an alternative
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way,
such
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as using certain items like rocks or just a glass of water created by the ‘magician’ they believe in.
This
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becomes worse time to time and causes many victims whose illness cannot be recovered
easily
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from easily
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and
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, and
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number
Correct article usage
the number
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of deaths in that city is rising. In terms of occupation,
health
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professionals,
such
Linking Words
as doctors and their
assistant
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assistants
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, stated that their opportunities to be hired by
hospital
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hospitals
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or clinics are declining
due to
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the public
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public
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public's
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intention to choose traditional
treatment
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, death rates
because of
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due to
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inappropriate
treatment
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done
Verb problem
apply
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by irresponsible individuals are
growing up
Verb problem
increasing
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in Ciamis, Indonesia.
Consequently
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, in these three past years, doctors and other
health
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practitioners have been struggling to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
their responsibility in giving treatments to certain
illness
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illnesses
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. Evidently,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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of awareness to visit doctors
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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many problems and negatively
impact
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impacts
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to
numbers
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number
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of
people
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who are actually relying on their jobs.
To sum up
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, traditional or alternative methods which done by unreliable individuals are lowering the recovery process for patients
itself
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themselves
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because many diseases cannot be healed without any medical process.
Moreover
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, professionals related to
health
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,
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apply
show examples
have to tackle challenges that
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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to job losses.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your main ideas are clear and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Include stronger examples to support your main points.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear opinion stated in the introduction.
task achievement
The topic is relevant and important in today's society.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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