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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the survey results for which environmental problems people in 3 countries are most concerned about.

The charts below show the survey results for which environmental problems people in 3 countries are most concerned about.
The pie chart illustrates common natural problems in
Zambia
Use synonyms
,
Singapore
Use synonyms
 and
Cameroon
Use synonyms
 that citizens are worried about.
Overall
Linking Words
, overpopulation is the biggest issue in
Zambia
Use synonyms
 and
Singapore
Use synonyms
. Global warming and pollution take almost the same proportion in all three countries and are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
 place in the chart. Waste disposal is the prevalent problem in
Cameroon
Use synonyms
, almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half people worry about it,
while
Linking Words
 in other countries it is unpopular, 21% in
Singapore
Use synonyms
 and 14% in
Zambia
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is the lowest of all three .
However
Linking Words
, there is overpopulation that has
become to
Verb problem
reached
show examples
 43% in
Singapore
Use synonyms
 and 38% in
Zambia
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 in
Cameroon
Use synonyms
 it is uncommon and equal to 23%.
Although
Linking Words
 global heat is widespread in all countries,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in
Zambia
Use synonyms
 it takes more than
aquarter
Correct your spelling
a quarter
, in
Singapore
Use synonyms
 26% and the smallest percentage
in
Verb problem
is in
show examples
Cameroon
Use synonyms
, just 19%.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, in
Singapore
Use synonyms
 and Cameron there are only 16% of residents take care of pollution,
while
Linking Words
 in
Zambia
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 percentage is even lower and drops to 14%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words zambia, singapore, cameroon with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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