IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

3,The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

With the pace of the world , the use of social
media
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 is replacing
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face to
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face-to-face
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face
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 interaction among many people in society . In my opinion , I think it has both advantages and disadvantages . On the first hand , the changing
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face to
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face-to-face
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face
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 interaction by social
media
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 may have a
lot
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 of results ,
it
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as it
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 makes
for
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apply
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the user not
having
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have
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 realistic
contact
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 with
the
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apply
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others outside
and
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, and
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 they can not show their real emotion
with
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to
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 the person
who
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apply
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they
contact
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by
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through
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 the screen .
Besides
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, they will lack social
skills
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 or casual
skills
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such
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 as communication
skills
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 and conflict management
problem
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apply
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skills
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 . Normally , the person who is usually contacted by social
media
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 can
meet
Verb problem
encounter
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 cybercrimes
in
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on
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platform
Correct article usage
the platform
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media
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apply
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and they
also
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 want to steal the information of the user .
For example
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 , social
media
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 now has a
lot
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 of individuals who want to steal our information
and
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, and
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 they have a
lot
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 of ways to take that like send us their link or by the apps we download .
On the other hand
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 , the
disadvantage
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disadvantages
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 can not outweigh the
advantage
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advantages
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 when it has too many benefits for us .
Such
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 as , it helps everyone to
contact
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 others even from a long distance
and
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, and
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 it helps everybody to make friends in the whole world
or
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, or
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 it develops the factories do not have to come to work
and
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, and
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 they can work when they are home
so
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, so
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 it is really flexible and comfortable for the employer and
also
Linking Words
 the economy .
For instance
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 , in recent times, many companies have a trend to meet on the social
media
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 platform when
it
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they
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 can manage their time and their transport is
more easy
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easier
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. In conclusion , social
media
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 has a
lot
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 of benefits
but
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, but
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 do not take that for treason to not
contact
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 outside
and
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, and
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 we have to control our behaviour on social platforms .

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task response
Your introduction could be clearer. Make sure to state your opinion clearly. For example, you can say 'In my opinion, the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages.'
coherence and cohesion
Try to make your points clearer. For example, explain more about how social media helps with communication, and then talk about the problems it causes. This helps the reader follow your ideas better.
task response
Include more specific examples to support your main points. Instead of saying 'people can meet cybercrimes,' you could say 'hackers can steal personal information through social media.' This makes your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Connect your ideas better. Use linking words like 'however,' 'for example,' and 'in addition' to show how your points relate to each other. This helps the flow of your writing.
task response
You have included both the advantages and disadvantages of social media, which is good for a balanced view.
task response
Your conclusion summarizes your main points well, showing that you understand the topic and its complexities.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interaction
  • geographical barriers
  • global community
  • cultural diversity
  • economic opportunities
  • superficial interactions
  • mental health impact
  • loneliness
  • depression
  • interpersonal relationships
  • real world
  • spread of misinformation
  • echo chambers
  • societal polarization
  • informed citizenship
  • constant connectivity
  • maintain relationships
  • fast and efficient
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