IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Advances in technology have improved our lifestyle. Modern appliances in the home have become more common, leaving no doubt that advances in technology have improved our lifestyle. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

With the development of
technology
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, technological
devices
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 play an important role and improve the standard of their lifestyle
,
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.
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in
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In
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this
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 essay, I will outline some reasons and give my opinion later. First and foremost, modern machines can save
time
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 and force with household chores, including cleaning the floor, doing laundry, washing dishes, it can help
people
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 increase their spending
time
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 for interesting, studying or working, at the same
time
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, that
devices
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 can help
people
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 do their housework from afar thanks for some control functions, which can make
people
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 lives become more convenient and easier,
for instance
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, cleaning the floor robot can do their works in the short
time
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 with effectively and quickly, and their own may use
this
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time
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 for relaxing or studying.
However
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, overusing
technology
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 can negatively affect
people
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's lives;
consequently
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, depending on machines can make
people
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 become more inactive, without sports activities, they can develop some health problems, and have the risk of becoming sedentary, at the same
time
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, if young
people
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 spend
technology
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 out of control, they can have less basic life skill, including cooking and doing laundry without helping of
devices
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.
Furthermore
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, when
people
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 live with smart
devices
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, the interaction between humans and some means of communication in family and social settings can be reduced
,
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.
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for
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For
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 example, if
people
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 are dependent on the support of
technology
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 in shopping or working, some direct conversations with
people
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 would be rare. In conclusion,
technology
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devices
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 can bring us many benefits;
therefore
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, if
people
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 can reduce drawbacks, their benefits can outweigh the disadvantages.

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task response
Your introduction is clear, but make sure to state your opinion more directly. For example, say, 'I strongly agree that technology improves our lifestyle.'
coherence cohesion
Try to make your ideas flow better from one to another. Use linking words like 'however' and 'furthermore' more effectively to connect your points.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is fair, but try to repeat your main point a bit clearer. Reiterate that technology brings more benefits than disadvantages.
task response
Add more example to support your points. For instance, mention a specific appliance like a washing machine and how it saves time.
content
You clearly mention both the benefits and drawbacks of technology, which shows a balanced view.
content
Your points about time-saving devices are strong and relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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