IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centres provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

In modern society, it is increasingly common for
both
Use synonyms
 parents in a family to work full-time.
This
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 has led to a debate about who should look after young
children
Use synonyms
 during working hours.
While
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 some people believe that grandparents or other family
members
Use synonyms
 are the best caregivers, others argue that professional childcare
centres
Use synonyms
 offer better support.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
both
Use synonyms
 perspectives before presenting my own opinion. On one hand, having grandparents or close relatives care for
children
Use synonyms
 can provide a more personal and emotionally secure environment. Family
members
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 are often more affectionate and patient, and
children
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 may feel more comfortable staying with someone they know and trust.
Additionally
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,
this
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 arrangement can strengthen family bonds and pass down cultural traditions and values. It is
also
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 cost-effective, especially for low-income families who cannot afford professional daycare services.
On the other hand
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, childcare
centres
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 have trained staff, structured routines, and a learning-focused environment that can contribute positively to a child’s development. These
centres
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 often provide early education, social activities, and opportunities for
children
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 to interact with peers, which helps improve communication and teamwork skills.
Furthermore
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, caregivers in these
centres
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 are usually professionally trained in child psychology and safety, which may not be the case with family
members
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, especially elderly grandparents who may lack the physical ability or updated parenting knowledge. In my opinion,
while
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 family
members
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 can offer love and familiarity, childcare
centres
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 are better suited for modern parenting needs. They provide a structured environment that supports
both
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 the emotional and intellectual growth of
children
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.
However
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, a combination of
both
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 occasional help from family alongside professional care could be the most balanced solution for many families.

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task achievement
Your essay presents clear arguments for both sides of the issue. Make sure to reinforce your opinion within the discussion as it gives a strong finish.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer transitions between ideas. Words like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Finally,' can help signal to the reader how your ideas connect.
task achievement
Add more specific examples from real situations to strengthen your points. For instance, how grandparents care can be effective or unique programs at childcare centers.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and the main points of discussion. This sets up the essay well.
task achievement
You provide a good balance of views on childcare options, which shows fairness in your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nurturing environment
  • emotional bond
  • wealth of experience
  • cultural traditions
  • socialization opportunities
  • structured environment
  • trained professionals
  • developmental needs
  • financial aspect
  • curriculum
  • academic success
What to do next:
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