IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Serious violent crimes among people who are under-18 are becoming more common. Some people think that children who commit serious crimes should be treated like adults, while others would say that they should be rehabilitated.

Critical, brutal crimes committed by minors are becoming increasingly common.
While
Linking Words
 some would argue that adolescents who perpetrate severe violations should be dealt with like grown-ups, I believe that they should be reformed. On the one hand, treating young violent criminals like they are over 18 gives the victims justice. If someone you hold dear
got
Verb problem
were
show examples
 killed or seriously injured, you would likely demand justice immediately.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these people believe that offenders of any age, whether old or young, should be held fully accountable.
For example
Linking Words
, when my little cousin was murdered by his classmate, his father said, "When I heard that my son's killer got released because he was a minor, I felt that my son was slain all over again."
However
Linking Words
, I believe that if the crime was committed by a person under 18,
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 must be rehabilitated because
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 mind is not yet complete as an adult.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is thought that children who carry out acts of violence are not aware of their actions because of their age. A young child does not know, to the same degree as adults, that their violent actions will result in death or serious injury.
This
Linking Words
 is why young murderers in the UK are rehabilitated and given new identities so that they can live a normal adult life outside of prison. I believe
this
Linking Words
 school of thought is preferable because it helps the young criminal reform and
ensure
Correct subject-verb agreement
ensures
show examples
 that they do not carry out serious crimes again. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 imprisoning young offenders may give the victims justice,
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 will not improve the criminals, and they are more likely to reoffend.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that rehabilitation is the best option because it will develop the lawbreakers and make them useful members of society.

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task achievement
Your argument is clear, but providing more explanation for your main points could make it stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words to connect your ideas. This will improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You did well in stating your opinion clearly in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Your example about your cousin effectively supports your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Juvenile delinquency
  • Justice system
  • Deterrence
  • Cognitive development
  • Accountability
  • Severity of punishment
  • Rehabilitation
  • Restorative justice
  • Root causes of crime
  • Recidivism
  • Reintegrate
  • Impulse control
  • Environmental factors
  • Incarceration
  • Law-abiding citizen
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