IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

New technology has resulted in many jobs, which used to be performed by people, now being done by computers or robots. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In
this
Linking Words
modernized
Use the right word
modernised
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 era,
technology
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 has many effects on
jobs
Use synonyms
, as work
used
Correct pronoun usage
that used
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 to be done by humans is now
taken
Verb problem
being done
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 by computers or
robots
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
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 I partly agree with
this
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 statement.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
this
Linking Words
 situation brings many benefits to
people
Use synonyms
, especially the corporation. by the development of
cutting edge
Use the right word
cutting-edge
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technology
Use synonyms
.
Many
Fix the agreement mistake
Much
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 repetitive work can be done by programmed
robots
Use synonyms
 with
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 productivity rate
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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also
Linking Words
 more effective packaging and delivering products
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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also
Linking Words
 there would be less workforce needed to bring better outcomes and
also
Linking Words
 productivity.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays, many
cooperation
Check wording
cooperatives
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 in supplying food to
people
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 applying the latest
technology
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 with the aim of not only mitigating the labour expenses but
also
Linking Words
 satisfying the food safety standard.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many tasks which are almost impossible to
be done by humans
Wrong verb form
do
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now can
Correct word order
can now
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 be finished easily by using
robots
Use synonyms
 and computers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, these statements can have many negative impacts.
Technology
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 can sometimes steal
people
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's
jobs
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 and
bring
Verb problem
lead
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up
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
an
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 increase in
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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 rate
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 that the authorities will face much pressure.
Moreover
Linking Words
, with artificial intelligence and
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robots
Add a comma
robots,
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 many
people
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 will have to lose their
jobs
Use synonyms
 which they have
bonded
Verb problem
been bonded
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 with for a long time.
For instance
Linking Words
, with the changing
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
technology
Add a comma
technology,
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 many workers have lost their
jobs
Use synonyms
 in the
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
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 and are facing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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difficulty in changing their
jobs
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 as they lack academic knowledge about other fields.
Besides
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,
technology
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 nowadays is not suitable for many
people
Use synonyms
 as it is too complicated to use, especially
Correct article usage
the elderly
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elderly
Punctuation problem
elderly,
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 as they find it too hard to apply to their life or their work. In conclusion,
technology
Use synonyms
 has made many significant contributions to society
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
has also
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 created many negative impacts on
people
Use synonyms
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 I partly agree that the advantages would outweigh its disadvantages.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion. It is good to express a partial agreement, but make it clearer in your opening paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences to guide the reader. For each paragraph, make sure the main idea is obvious from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with punctuation and capitalization. For example, the word 'by' should start with a capital letter in 'by the development of cutting edge technology.'
task achievement
Add more specific examples that are directly related to your arguments. This will make your ideas stronger and clearer.
task achievement
You do a good job explaining the benefits of technology, especially in terms of productivity and efficiency.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your opinion, which helps to reinforce your argument.
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