IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

‘Some think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In
this
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modernized
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modernised
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 era, one part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society claims that the best
method
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 to motivate and encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 harder is by giving them a salary
that is
Linking Words
 equal to the effort that they put
in
Change preposition
into
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 the job. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 I partly agree with
this
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 statement.
To begin
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 with, paying
people
Use synonyms
 based on what they produce and sell can boost the
employee's
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employees'
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 mentality as it creates a connection between
people
Use synonyms
's effort and their salary. By knowing that they can earn more if they
work
Use synonyms
 more ,
people
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 will have the tendency to
work
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 harder and put more effort into
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 job.
Moreover
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,
this
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 can not just enhance the productivity of each but
also
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 create a competitive environment among employees .
For instance
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,businessmen nowadays tend to put the goal higher and higher after time as they can earn from the sales percentage .
On the other hand
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, paying
people
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 based on sales can cause
people
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 to face stress and anxiety because to reach enough sales
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 will need many factors
such
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 as market and consumer needs.
Furthermore
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,employees can
also
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 have to face health problems
due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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overtime hours.
For example
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, clerks who have to sit opposite a computer screen for hours often have
eyes
Fix the agreement mistake
eye
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syndrome
Check wording
problems
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such
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 as
short sighted
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short-sightedness
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 or
pinkeyes
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pink eye
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,
some
Correct word choice
and some
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 can even have herniated discs.
Moreover
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,
this
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method
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 of paying is considered to be not suitable for some jobs
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as doctors and teachers
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
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method
Use synonyms
 can
also
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 lessen the quality of products . In conclusion, giving
people
Use synonyms
 a salary as much as they deserve is a good
method
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 to motivate and make
people
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work
Use synonyms
 harder
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it
also
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 has some negative impacts and is not suitable for certain jobs .

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coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
Make sure to provide a balanced view by clearly stating both sides before your conclusion.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points and make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion structure.
task achievement
You provide some good points about the effects of performance-based pay.
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