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Writing Samples
Band 6

Parents are putting a lot pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

In recent times, the issue of parental on
children
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 has emerged as a matter of significant concern to the general public. Some individuals maintain that
this
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pressure
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 helps
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation achieve success. Personally, I believe that
this
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 can
be
Verb problem
have
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 more negative effects, based on some reasons that are explained in
this
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 essay. First of all, people should
recognize
Use the right word
recognise
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 that there are a few main reasons why
parents
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 put
such
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 high expectations on their
children
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. A very important point to consider is that many
parents
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 push their
children
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 because they want them to have a better future.
This
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 means that adults believe that they have a responsibility to help their offspring achieve success in school and life. To illustrate , some guardians
enroll
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enrol
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 their
children
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 in extra classes to improve their academic performance. Another key point is that some mothers and fathers are of the opinion that the achievements of their sons and daughters reflect their personal reputation.
This
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 is because of the fact that they may feel judged by society if their
children
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 do not succeed.
However
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, it is equally important to consider that too much
pressure
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 can have harmful influences. One convincing argument is that it can lead to stress, anxiety and even depression.
This
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 suggests that young individuals might become emotionally exhausted and lose interest in learning.
For instance
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, many students in high-
pressure
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 environments suffer from mental health problems.
In addition
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,
pressure
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 prevents the youth from following their true passions. The underlying reason is that the young are often forced to meet goals set by
parents
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, not by themselves. In conclusion,
while
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 it is true that expectations can encourage young people to work hard, it is
also
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 undeniable that too much can harm their well-being. In my opinion, the
pressure
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 imposed by
parents
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 tends to bring more drawbacks than benefits.
Therefore
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, a balanced approach is necessary to address
this
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 issue effectively.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. You can use phrases like 'In my opinion' to make it stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more connecting words like 'Firstly', 'In addition', and 'However' to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples that relate to your main points to make your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps readers follow your ideas easily.
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