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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart and table show information about students from abroad studying in four English-speaking countries in 2004 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart and table show information about students from abroad studying in four English-speaking countries in 2004 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates data
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 foreign
students
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
study
Wrong verb form
studied
show examples
 in four English-speaking countries from 2004 to 2012.
Also
Linking Words
, the table shows foreign
students
Use synonyms
 as a percentage of total student numbers in the countries. 
Overall
Linking Words
, it has been
clearly
Replace the word
clear
show examples
 that more foreign
students
Use synonyms
 who studied in the
USA
Use synonyms
 between 2004 and 2012 other than
English speaking
Use the right word
English-speaking
show examples
 countries. In the table, it indicates that higher percentages of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
apply
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 were in
Australia
Punctuation problem
Australia,
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was approximately 19% and 24% in 2004 and 2012. In 2004, the
number
Use synonyms
 of foreign
students
Use synonyms
that have
Verb problem
who
show examples
 studied in
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 nearly 175,000. It  
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 gradually increased to 250,000 in 2012. In
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, there were approximately 125,000 foreign
students
Use synonyms
 in 2004. In the year 2012, it
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased moderately to 200,000 foreign
students
Use synonyms
. Those who studied in Australia were almost 175,000 in 2004,
also
Linking Words
 is
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
number
Use synonyms
those
Change preposition
to those
show examples
 who
studie
Correct your spelling
studied
 in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in the same year.
Then
Linking Words
 it
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 to 190,000
students
Use synonyms
 from 2012. In Canada, foreign
studenst
Correct your spelling
students
 were 45,000 in
2004
Punctuation problem
2004,
show examples
then
Linking Words
slighlty
Correct your spelling
slightly
 increased to 55,000.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 table shows
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 in 2004 and 2012. The highest percentage of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 in Australia, about 19% and 24%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the lowest
percantage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
. The
percantage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 in
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 2% in both years.
While
Linking Words
 percentages in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and Canada are in the middle, they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 in
year
Check wording
apply
show examples
2004
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 6%. In 2012, the
percantage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 13%, but in Canada it was only 7%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, usa, number, uk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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