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Writing Samples
Band 7

the graph below gives information on the number of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne Australia for the period to 20 summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant

the graph below gives information on the number of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne Australia for the period to 20 summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant
The line graph illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of people who participated in various activities at a social centre in Melbourne, Australia, from 2000 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the film club constantly attracted the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 over the period. The figure for musical performances was the lowest during that time. Focusing
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 film club and musical performances, almost 65 and 0 people participated in these activities, respectively, in 2000.
Although
Linking Words
 no one had been attracted to musical performances until 2005, it rose significantly to around 20 in 2020, the figure for the film club fluctuated between 60 and 65 and stopped at an initial point
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period. Turning to amateur dramatics and table tennis, and martial arts,
although
Linking Words
 martial arts just fluctuated between 30 and 35 and stayed at 35 in 2020, there were around 25 and 15
participants
Use synonyms
 for amateur dramatics and table tennis, respectively
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 2000. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 was equal for them in 2010 , and it was 20. The
number
Use synonyms
 of people who participated in
table
Correct article usage
the table
show examples
 tennis activity
climb
Wrong verb form
climbed
show examples
 dramatically to approximately 65 in 2020.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there was a significant drop in amateur dramatics with under 10
participants
Use synonyms
 in 2020.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, participants with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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