IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is said that travel broadens the mind. What can we learn by travelling to other countries? Should we first explore our own countries? What do you think?

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that travelling has become more accessible and popular than ever before. It is often said that travel broadens the mind, as it allows people to gain new experiences and perspectives. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to examine what
individuals
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 can learn from travelling abroad and whether it is more important to explore
one’s
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 own
country
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 first. One of the most apparent reasons is that travelling to other countries provides valuable cultural and personal learning opportunities. To illustrate,
individuals
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 can experience different traditions, languages, and lifestyles, which helps them develop a broader worldview.
For instance
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, interacting with people from diverse backgrounds can improve communication skills and increase cultural awareness.
In addition
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, travelling abroad can encourage independence and adaptability, as
individuals
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 must navigate unfamiliar environments and solve problems on their own. Another point that should not be overlooked is that exploring
one’s
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 own
country
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 first is equally important. To clarify, understanding local culture, history, and geography can create a strong sense of identity and belonging.
For example
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, visiting different regions within
one’s
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country
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 allows
individuals
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 to appreciate national diversity and heritage.
Furthermore
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, domestic travel is often more affordable and accessible, making it a practical starting point before international trips. From my perspective, gaining knowledge of
one’s
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 own
country
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 provides a foundation for
better
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a better
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 understanding
other
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of other
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 cultures. To recapitulate, it is evident that travelling abroad helps broaden perspectives and develop personal skills,
while
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 exploring
one’s
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 own
country
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 builds cultural awareness and identity.
Therefore
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, I believe that
although
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 international travel is highly beneficial, people should first explore their own countries before experiencing the wider world.

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task response
Give one more clear idea on what people learn from travel. This will make your answer more full.
task response
Add more real and exact examples, not only general ones. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Your opinion is clear, but you can explain why your own country should come first in a deeper way.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because each part has a clear place.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are a bit formal and repeated. Use a wider mix of simple links.
coherence and cohesion
Main ideas are supported, but some support is still general. Add one more detail in each body paragraph.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and give a clear opinion.
task response
Your ideas are relevant and stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is logical and easy to understand.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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