IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike, leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In our modern era , it's believed that a phenomenon known as globalisation will appear
due to
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 the enormous growth in transport and communication with each other, which will result in losing most of their cultural traits . Personally , I partly agree that culture is vulnerable to rapid development and most of us should be committed to their cultural characteristics, but there are some benefits .
To begin
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 with ,
while
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 the technology is growing dramatically day after day, leading to a massive decline in losing traditions and habits that people used to do , we should ignore all these distractions and maintain our traditional habits that our ancestors brought to us ;so, we are untruthful if we give up and forget these activities .
For instance
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 , many Arab citizens are now active in social media websites
instead
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 of practising their original activities
such
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 as camel racing , horse racing and falconry .
On the other hand
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 , mass communication has some beneficial outcomes . To clarify , people who are abroad and can't meet their relatives now communicate with their families even if they are far away
due to
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 the convenient apps on their mobile phones.
In addition
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 , the sophisticated transportation that facilitates the movement around the world ;
consequently
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 , people can travel easily without any fatigue .
To conclude
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 , our responsibility is to save the culture and traditions that we have;
however
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, we can not delay the advantages of modern technologies and how it enhanced our lives.

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task achievement
Your introduction should clearly state your opinion on globalization affecting cultural identity. Try to be a bit clearer about your agreement level.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs connect logically. Use linking words to show the relationship between your ideas.
task achievement
Support your main points with more clear examples or explanations. This will help readers understand your argument better.
task achievement
You show a clear understanding of the topic and give both sides of the argument, which is good!
coherence and cohesion
Your vocabulary is appropriate, and you express your ideas fairly well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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