Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people fear that this may have negative influences on the youths and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It has recently been argued whether the acts of young people spending excessive time in shopping

malls

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could bring detrimental effects to themselves and society. I believe

this

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notion is valid to an extent, and the reason why shall be discussed in

this

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essay.

To begin

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with, the habit of spending a considerable amount of free time in shopping

malls

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might encourage materialism among the youth. Constant exposure to consumer goods and advertisements can lead to the belief that happiness and success are measured by possessions.

This

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mentality could result in unnecessary spending, debt, and an unhealthy sense of self-worth based on material items.

Moreover

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, young people may develop superficial social values, placing importance on outward appearances rather than character or skill development.

Furthermore

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this

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behavior

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behaviour

show examples

could

also

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have adverse effects on society. When young individuals

prioritize

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prioritise

show examples

shopping over educational or skill-enhancing activities, it may result in a generation that lacks productivity and discipline. If a significant number of youths focus more on leisure and consumption rather than contributing positively to their communities, the long-term impact on societal development could be negative.

In addition

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, shopping

malls

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may become overcrowded and noisy, which can lead to increased public disturbances or even security concerns.

On the other hand

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, it is important to acknowledge that shopping

malls

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are not solely places of consumerism. They often serve as social hubs where young people can interact, relax, and escape from academic or personal stress.

Malls

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also

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offer job opportunities, especially for students seeking part-time employment.

Therefore

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, occasional visits for recreational purposes should not be viewed entirely in a negative light. In conclusion,

while

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spending some leisure time in shopping

malls

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can be harmless and even beneficial in moderation, the excessive and frequent habit of doing so can have undesirable effects on both individuals and society.

Hence

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, I believe

this

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concern holds merit, especially when

such

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activities replace more meaningful or developmental pursuits.

caivankihh779

Jul 20, 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Make sure to have a clear main idea for each paragraph. This will help the reader follow your thoughts better.

task achievement

Try to provide more specific examples to support your ideas. This will make your arguments stronger and clearer.

task achievement

Your introduction clearly presents your opinion on the topic, which is great!

coherence and cohesion

The structure of your essay is logical, making it easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

317 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

young people
shopping malls
free time
negative influences
society
consumerism
financial habits
overspend
debt
happiness
pressure
fit in
social interactions
entertainment
activities
friends
meaningful conversations

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Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people fear that this may have negative influences on the youths and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

children who are brought up in families that do not have large amount of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brough up by wealthy parents. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In many countries today, crime novels and TV crime dramas are becoming more and more popular. Why do you think these books and TV shows are popular? What is your opinion of crime fiction and TV crime dramas?

The Advantages and Disadvantages of Working from Home vs. Working from the Office

Some countries spend a lot of money to make bicycle usage easier. Why is this? Is this the best solution to traffic congestion.

Some people think modern technology is making people more sociable while others think that real life interaction is better. Discuss both views and give your opinion.