IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child‘s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The factor
that is
Linking Words
 most significant
influences
Change preposition
in influencing
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 a person’s childhood has been a subject of debate for a long time.
While
Linking Words
 many people believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 play an important role in bringing up
children
Use synonyms
, others argue
outside
Correct word choice
that outside
show examples
 factors like social circle and social
media
Use synonyms
 are the most obvious. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views and give my own opinion. On the one hand, people say that
children
Use synonyms
’s development is affected so much by their
parents
Use synonyms
. It is demonstrated that
children
Use synonyms
 have gone through their first years with family and followed older
people’
Check wording
people’s
show examples
 behaviour and activity. When youngsters often get in touch with their dad and mom, they will copy their
activity
Check wording
behaviour
show examples
 and take
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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 as their models.
For example
Linking Words
, a child who lives in a lovely family with emotional support and has an impartial childhood will value adoration,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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empathy the importance of family dynamics from the warm family atmosphere where they are living
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. Youngsters are at a sensitive age
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 they will treat
somebody
Check wording
others
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 as the behaviour which they are treated by everyone.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other factors like social
media
Use synonyms
 or
friends
Use synonyms
 are believed to affect child development. It will be right if their
parents
Use synonyms
 are so busy that they cannot spend time with their family, especially
children
Use synonyms
. When
children
Use synonyms
 have not got in touch with
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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, they will have no choice apart from watching TV, surfing the Internet or hanging out with their
friends
Use synonyms
. For a long
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 have lived in
this
Linking Words
 environment,
their
Correct word choice
and their
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 manners will
influence
Wrong verb form
be influenced
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most by entertainment and social life.
For example
Linking Words
, many youngsters copy their bad
friends
Use synonyms
 and social
media
Use synonyms
 to have terrible behaviour like smoking, skipping school or watching violent films, playing games for long hours. In conclusion, both
parents
Use synonyms
 and outside factors like
friends
Use synonyms
 and social
media
Use synonyms
 play a significant role in child development.
However
Linking Words
, I believe
parents
Use synonyms
 are more important in managing their
children
Use synonyms
, especially in the early years when
children
Use synonyms
 are learning how to behave
to
Change preposition
towards
show examples
 others.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but make sure to clearly state your opinion. This strengthens your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words to make your ideas flow better. For example, use 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'In conclusion' to help readers follow your points.
task achievement
Add more specific examples and details to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
task achievement
You clearly present both views on the topic, showing understanding of the issue.
task achievement
Good use of examples, especially about the influence of parents and peers.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • foundational role
  • holistic development
  • direct influence
  • emotional growth
  • moral values
  • discipline
  • significant influence
  • behavior
  • perspectives
  • profound impact
  • social skills
  • balancing
  • screen time
  • peer interaction
  • parental guidance
  • explores their independence
What to do next:
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