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Band 5.5

Some people believe that a person's culture is defined by their country of origin, while others believe that has only a minor influence. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. #219

Some argue that individual culture is defined by their
country
Use synonyms
 of
origion
Correct your spelling
origin
, as national
values
Use synonyms
 and traditions play a major role in shaping behaviour. Others,
however
Linking Words
, believe that
this
Linking Words
 influence is minimal, as people today are more affected by global exposure. The following essay will examine these perspectives before giving a personal opinion. On one hand, people in every
country
Use synonyms
 tend to develop unique traits that reflect their cultural background.
This
Linking Words
 is mostly because individuals are taught and shaped by the traditions,
values
Use synonyms
, and social norms of
society
Correct article usage
the society
show examples
 they grow up in, which gradually form their identity.
Furthermore
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, it is easy to recognise where someone comes from
due to
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 the
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
show examples
 of each region.
For instance
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, Javanese people have a distinctive accent
that is
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 difficult to lose, making them easily recognisable when they speak other languages.
As a result
Linking Words
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is widely acknowledged that a person's
country
Use synonyms
 of origin has a significant influence on their cultural identity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some consider that external influences hold a greater role in shaping a person's culture. With the rise of the internet and global platforms like social media, individuals are constantly exposed to habits and lifestyles from other countries. TikTok is a perfect example, where youth who are still forming their identity are influenced by viral trends from modern progress. In
such
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 cases, traditional customs may gradually disappear from their awareness,
their
Correct word choice
and their
show examples
 behaviours become more globalised. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some argue that individual culture is more influenced by modern
values
Use synonyms
, others believe that their homeland still plays a significant role. I personally believe that the impact of one's home
country
Use synonyms
 outweighs other influences, as these cultural
values
Use synonyms
 are nurtured from birth.

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task achievement
Expand on your examples with a bit more detail or explanation to strengthen your points.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. You can use linking phrases to guide the reader.
coherence
You may want to re-read for minor grammar errors or awkward phrases to improve clarity.
coherence
The introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion at the end, which is good.
task achievement
Practical examples like TikTok and Javanese accents show good use of real-world references.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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