IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about whether advertising is efficient at persuading
people
Use synonyms
 to purchase, or
advertising
Correct word choice
whether advertising
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 is so common that less attention will be paid to it is more reasonable.
While
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 both views have their merits, I am inclined to believe that
advertisements
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 do affect our
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
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 preferences a lot. On the one hand, many
people
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 argue that advertising is normal in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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contemporary society,
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
and people
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 no longer pay attention to that. They believe that watching
advertisements
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 about things they do not need is a waste of time, and
that is
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 the reason why
people
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 will skip the
advertisements
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 when watching videos.
Also
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, reading the same advertisement repeatedly is super boring
,
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;
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people
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 will ultimately choose to ignore
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
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.
On the other hand
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, other
people
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 confirm that advertising is extremely successful at persuading
people
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 to purchase things.
This
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 is mainly because
advertisements
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 can bring the brands and
item
Fix the agreement mistake
items
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people
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 have never seen before to the public‘s view.
Moreover
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, the function and benefits of the stuff are fully introduced by the
advertisements
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, which can attract more
people
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 with diverse demands to consume.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my perspective,
advertisements
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 really affect our
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 preferences a lot. The reason is
when
Correct word choice
that when
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people
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 are comparing similar items in the supermarkets, they would unconsciously choose the brand they have seen in the
advertisements
Use synonyms
 before.
This
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 phenomenon
approves
Verb problem
proves
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 that advertising is super successful at inducing
people
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 to buy things. In conclusion, though some
people
Use synonyms
 strongly believe that
people
Use synonyms
 are no longer focusing on
advertisements
Use synonyms
 because they are so common, I firmly support the view that advertising is an effective and efficient way to attract
people
Use synonyms
 to consume.

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task response
Plan before you write. Start with a clear idea and stick to it. State your view early and keep it the same through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make your paragraphs flow. Use a clear topic sentence in each paragraph and link ideas with simple words.
task response
Use more concrete examples. Tell a short fact or example to back your point.
language
Fix grammar and small mistakes. Check verb form and use simple past or present with care.
task response
There is a clear view in the end about the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Two sides are shown with 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'.
lexical
The essay has an easy to read flow and simple word choice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
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