IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is widely
recognized
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recognised
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 that advertising have strong
effective
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effect
 in
attract
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attracting
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 more customers，and it is
also
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 a fairly smart marketing technique to earn
money
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.
However
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,as entertainment developed day by
day
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day,
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 advertisement become more and more frequently so that makes people feel
boredom
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bored
.
This
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 essay will explain my opinions and my
suggests
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suggestions
.
Firstly
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,I have to admit that advertising is necessary, especially for
the
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apply
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companies cause they can use advertisements to broadcast and introduce their
products
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.
Although
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costumers
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customers
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 can
known
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learn
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 more about the
products
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through
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in
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this
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 way,
but
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apply
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 there
more
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are more
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 disadvantages for the
costumers
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customers
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.On one hand,they buy the
products
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 just because
of
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apply
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their favourite film star acted
the
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in the
show examples
 advertisement
so
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, so
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that
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apply
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they buy the
products
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 useless or they buy things just because of impulse purchase
so
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, so
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 that they will more easy to waste
money
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.
On the other hand
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,reality
products
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 sometimes
not
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do not
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 accord with the product in advertising,
that
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which
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 always makes the consumer
is appointed
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suspicious
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.
Moreover
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,advertising sometimes appeared too presumptuous
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, so
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so that
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which
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 makes people uncomfortable and unsuitable
,to
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. To
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 my way of thinking,it is not the original goal for the companies to make advertising which costs them a
fairly number
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fair amount
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 of
money
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.
Overall
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，it is true that
advertisement
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advertisements
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 will increase a large number of customers and it always
worked
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works
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，but everything
have
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has
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 to be proper so
that
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as to
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 avoid
people
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people's
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 induction of negative emotions.In my point of view ,the most important way to increase the customers is
pay
Verb problem
to pay
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 more
money
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 to improve the quality of
products
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instead
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 of
pay
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paying
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money
Use synonyms
on the
Change preposition
for
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 advertising.Cause whatever how
is the advertising perfect
Correct word order
perfect the advertising is
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,if the quality
is
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does
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 not measure up,everything is futile.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why ads work, and why people may ignore ads now.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way from the start, and keep it the same through the essay.
task response
Add one or two real and clear examples to support your main ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one main idea only.
coherence cohesion
Use simple linking words like First, Also, However, and In conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one.
coherence cohesion
You wrote an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
You gave ideas for both views, so you tried to answer the full question.
task response
Your opinion is clear in the last paragraph.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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