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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The values that we learn from our parents and family have greater influence on our future success th

an
Correct article usage
the
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knowledge
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 and skills we learn at
school
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. To what extent do you agree or disagree? In recent years, the question of whether the
values
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 we learn from our
parents
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 and family or the
knowledge
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 and skills we acquire at
school
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 are more beneficial has sparked considerable debate. I firmly believe that what we learn at
school
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 is a more reasonable and effective choice than what we learn from our
parents
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.
To begin
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 with, there are several limitations that make the
values
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 we learn from our
parents
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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less
favorable
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favourable
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option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
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. One key issue is their subjective nature and potential uncertainty, which can lead to children being misled.
This
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 is supported by a study conducted by the University of British Columbia, which revealed that 85% of respondents believed that the negative influence of the original family environment is strongly associated with an individual’s extreme personality traits and erroneous
values
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, which are harmful to their future development, underscoring its far-reaching impact in real-world situations.
In addition
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, the
values
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 passed down from
parents
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 often lack diversity and comprehensiveness, which may not be sufficient to cope with modern life's complex challenges.
For example
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, individuals who rely primarily on family education may encounter a lack of basic
knowledge
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 and widely
recognized
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recognised
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 academic abilities, highlighting
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 structural limitations and associated risks.
On the other hand
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, what we learn at
school
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 offers many clear benefits that make it a better choice. Most importantly, schools follow an
organized
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organised
show examples
 teaching plan that covers essential subjects.
This
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 systematic approach helps students gain complete and fact-based
knowledge
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, which in turn improves employment prospects and social competence, enabling individuals to make informed decisions and contribute positively to society.
For example
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, many of my classmates who
prioritized
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prioritised
show examples
school
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 education now have stable jobs and are effective problem-solvers, which clearly demonstrates the advantages of academic learning.
Furthermore
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, schools bring together students from diverse backgrounds, providing opportunities to develop interpersonal and cultural skills that are hard to obtain through family learning alone. These experiences enhance teamwork, empathy, and cross-cultural understanding, all of which are essential in today’s interconnected world. In conclusion, I am convinced that
school
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 education is a superior option to family learning
due to
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 its evident strengths, including
standardized
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standardised
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knowledge
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 delivery and social development,
as well as
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 its ability to compensate for the limitations commonly found in parental teaching.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and throughout the essay. This will help to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words (like 'however', 'moreover', or 'for example') to make connections between your ideas clearer. This helps readers follow your thoughts more easily.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples and evidence to support your points, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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