IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

It is undoubtedly that some species of
animals
Use synonyms
 around the world
increasingly are
Correct word order
are increasingly
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 facing
extinction
Use synonyms
. There are several reasons for
this
Linking Words
 problem , and various measures could be taken by governments and individuals to improve the situation. There are
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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 of different factors that have led to
Use synonyms
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
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extinction
Use synonyms
. One of the major causes can be illegal hunting and poaching. Some people
hunts
Correct subject-verb agreement
hunt
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animals
Use synonyms
 for their skin , horns , or meat , even when it is against the law. The second reason is that as people population grows , forests are being cut down and land is used for farming , roads , and
buidings
Correct your spelling
buildings
.
As a result
Linking Words
 ,
animals
Use synonyms
 lost their natural homes and struggle to survive . The third reason is that climate change
due to
Linking Words
 pollution
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
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 affect
animals
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 and
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to
death
Correct pronoun usage
their death
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. Despite some obvious reasons described above , there are several actions that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 could take to solve the problem .
Firstly
Linking Words
 , a simple solution would be to raise public awareness about animal
extinction
Use synonyms
 and how serious it can be in the long term. The second measure would be for
govenments
Correct your spelling
governments
 to ban cutting trees in sensitive areas ,
also
Linking Words
 they should fine or jail people who break wildlife laws.
Finally
Linking Words
, individuals can fight climate change by reducing pollution and using clean energy. In conclusion , despite some obvious reasons , various measures can be taken to tackle the problem of animal
extinction
Use synonyms
 .
With
Change preposition
By
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illustrating
Verb problem
implementing
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 stronger laws and punishments , protecting natural
habits
Use the right word
habitats
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, and fighting climate change
Use synonyms
animals
Punctuation problem
, animals
show examples
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but you could add a thesis statement that outlines the main points of your essay. This helps guide the reader on what to expect.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use paragraphs more effectively. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points about illegal hunting, habitat loss, and climate change. This will strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Check for spelling and grammar errors, such as 'govenments' (should be 'governments') and 'buidings' (should be 'buildings'). These mistakes can distract the reader.
task achievement
You clearly identify several reasons for animal extinction, which shows an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points well and reinforces the need for action, showing good overall structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
What to do next:
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