IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related products are produced.

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related products are produced.
The diagram illustrates the process of
milk
Use synonyms
 production and
related
Correct article usage
the related
show examples
 products that are produced.
Overall
Linking Words
, the process involves several stages. It begins with cows grazing and ends with the distribution of
milk
Use synonyms
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
show examples
 selling it in supermarkets and shops.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is to graze cows and take care of them. Once the cows are ready for milking, they take them to
milking
Correct article usage
the milking
show examples
 machine. The
milk
Use synonyms
 is being extracted twice a day. The collected
milk
Use synonyms
 is stored in refrigeration storage
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 the
milk
Use synonyms
 can be preserved
its
Change preposition
in its
show examples
 freshness and prevent spoilage.
Next,
Linking Words
It
Verb problem
it was
show examples
 transported to
diary
Correct article usage
the diary
show examples
 processing facility.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
milk
Use synonyms
deliver
Wrong verb form
is delivered
show examples
 to
dairy
Correct article usage
the dairy
show examples
 process
Use the right word
centre
show examples
center
Punctuation problem
center,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 it undergoes various processes to produce cheese, clean, and cream. After that, the
milk
Use synonyms
Verb problem
was pasteurized
show examples
pasteurized
Use the right word
pasteurised
show examples
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
bottle
Fix the agreement mistake
bottles
show examples
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 packaged
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for direct sale.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
It
Verb problem
it is
show examples
distribute
Wrong verb form
distributed
show examples
 to supermarkets and local shops where
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 available for consumers.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words milk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • milking machines
  • containers
  • refrigerated trucks
  • pasteurization
  • homogenization
  • separation
  • standardization
  • cream
  • skim milk
  • fat content
  • packaging
  • cartons
  • bottles
  • dairy processing plant
  • quality control
  • safety and quality standards
  • distribution
  • retailers
  • grocery stores
  • vendors
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