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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

the table below compares actual and predicted figures for populations in three different cities

the table below compares actual and predicted figures for populations in three different cities
The table illustrates the actual number of inhabitants in three different cities, in 1990 and 2000,
as well as
Linking Words
 the estimated population in 2000.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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 the population in Shanghai decreases,
while
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 the other countries increase.
In addition
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, all the figures are opposite to the predicted number. In 1990, there were 15
million
Use synonyms
 inhabitants in São Paulo, which made up the highest among all cities.
Although
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 São Paulo was predicted to increase to reach 24
million
Use synonyms
 by 2000, the figures only rose to 3% in 2000.
Similarly
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, the number of residents in Jakarta increased to 11,5
million
Use synonyms
, which was about 2,5
million
Use synonyms
 fewer than forecasted
In contrast
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, there was a decrease in the proportion of residents in Shanghai, around 12,5
million
Use synonyms
 in 2000,
while
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 the population was expected to experience significant growth over the next decade, around 17
million
Use synonyms
, which rose to 3,5
million
Use synonyms
 in the forecast.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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