The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why?

It is often argued that what your family teaches you is more essential than what
school
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does to you. I partly agree with
this
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viewpoint because
while
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your family directly affects your behaviour from early childhood,
school
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education
also
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has an impact on your social skills. To start with, as is generally acknowledged, family is important for your life and the origin of your existence. Being told by your
parents
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that you are an important part of your family can help you build confidence and feel satisfaction.
However
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,
in other words
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, a lack of affection from
parents
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could lead children to commit a crime.
According to
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some statistics conducted by the Japanese government in 2022, 90% of juveniles who committed a crime had no
parents
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or grew up in a violent situation where they were hit and abused by their
parents
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.
On the other hand
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, schools
also
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play a huge role in
this
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society. When you are at
school
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, you are surrounded by a wide range of individuals,
such
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as classmates and teachers, where you can learn to socialise with people apart from your family. By interacting with a variety of people, you might be able to learn how to communicate with different types of people in differing ways and how to build better relationships with them.
To sum up
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, there is an argument that educating at home is more pivotal for children than educating at
school
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. In my opinion, both of these aspects are crucial for us, as
parents
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make us feel confident and safe with love,
whereas
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school
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teaches us some essential lessons in
this
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society.
Therefore
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, a balance of education at home and
school
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is key.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction to guide your reader.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words (like 'firstly', 'furthermore', 'in conclusion') to help your essay flow better and connect ideas.
task achievement
Add more examples or details to support your main points to enrich your argument.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view by recognizing the importance of both family and school education.
task achievement
The use of a real statistic about juvenile crime is strong and adds weight to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • savings
  • investing
  • tax obligations
  • retirement planning
  • loans
  • credit
  • interest rates
  • crowded curricula
  • traditional academic subjects
  • real-life experiences
  • parental guidance
  • practical
  • intellectually rigorous
  • school syllabus
  • gig economy
  • income-streams
  • challenging
  • trained teachers
  • specialized field
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