IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why?

It is often argued that what your family teaches you is more essential than what
school
Use synonyms
 does to you. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint because
while
Linking Words
 your family directly affects your behaviour from early childhood,
school
Use synonyms
 education
also
Linking Words
 has an impact on your social skills. To start with, as is generally acknowledged, family is important for your life and the origin of your existence. Being told by your
parents
Use synonyms
 that you are an important part of your family can help you build confidence and feel satisfaction.
However
Linking Words
,
in other words
Linking Words
, a lack of affection from
parents
Use synonyms
 could lead children to commit a crime.
According to
Linking Words
 some statistics conducted by the Japanese government in 2022, 90% of juveniles who committed a crime had no
parents
Use synonyms
 or grew up in a violent situation where they were hit and abused by their
parents
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, schools
also
Linking Words
 play a huge role in
this
Linking Words
 society. When you are at
school
Use synonyms
, you are surrounded by a wide range of individuals,
such
Linking Words
 as classmates and teachers, where you can learn to socialise with people apart from your family. By interacting with a variety of people, you might be able to learn how to communicate with different types of people in differing ways and how to build better relationships with them.
To sum up
Linking Words
, there is an argument that educating at home is more pivotal for children than educating at
school
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, both of these aspects are crucial for us, as
parents
Use synonyms
 make us feel confident and safe with love,
whereas
Linking Words
school
Use synonyms
 teaches us some essential lessons in
this
Linking Words
 society.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a balance of education at home and
school
Use synonyms
 is key.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction to guide your reader.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words (like 'firstly', 'furthermore', 'in conclusion') to help your essay flow better and connect ideas.
task achievement
Add more examples or details to support your main points to enrich your argument.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view by recognizing the importance of both family and school education.
task achievement
The use of a real statistic about juvenile crime is strong and adds weight to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • savings
  • investing
  • tax obligations
  • retirement planning
  • loans
  • credit
  • interest rates
  • crowded curricula
  • traditional academic subjects
  • real-life experiences
  • parental guidance
  • practical
  • intellectually rigorous
  • school syllabus
  • gig economy
  • income-streams
  • challenging
  • trained teachers
  • specialized field
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