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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There are two-line chart diagrams depict changes that the percent of electrical appliance in households in 1920-2019 and the total time of doing housework every weeks in same time.

There are two-line chart diagrams depict changes that the percent of electrical appliance in households in 1920-2019 and the total time of doing housework every weeks in same time.
The line graph
indicate
Correct subject-verb agreement
indicates
show examples
 the changes in electrical appliances'
ownership
Use synonyms
 and the proportion of hours spent doing housework in
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 in a nation from 1920 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the
ownership
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
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 and
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 increased dramatically,
while
Linking Words
 washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
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 have only soared slightly over the period shown.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the number of hours of washing clothes, preparing meals, and cleaning
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 decreased dramatically over
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
. In 1920, the
ownership
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
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 and
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
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 were both the lowest and the second lowest, and washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 the highest among them. In 1960, the
ownership
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
has
Verb problem
apply
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increased dramatically
Punctuation problem
, surprassing
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surprassing
Correct your spelling
surpassing
 washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
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,
while
Linking Words
 the proportion of households
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 was exactly 70
percent
Use the right word
per cent
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. which is the same as
washing
Correct article usage
a washing
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machine
Use synonyms
 at that time. In 1980,
refrigerator
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 was 100
percent
Use the right word
per cent
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, followed by
Use synonyms
vacuum
Correct article usage
the vacuum
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 cleaner in the next decade. On the one side, washing
Use synonyms
machine's
Check wording
machine
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ownership
Use synonyms
 remained stable for the remaining period.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 1920 to 1960, the number of hours of housework decreased dramatically from 50
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 to 20%, and it
stays
Verb problem
remained
show examples
 relatively stable over the remaining period
around
Punctuation problem
, around
show examples
 15%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words ownership, refrigerator, vacuum, machine with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 4 times.
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