IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today

The given figure shows the renovation of
Public
Correct article usage
the Public
show examples
 park
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was opened in 1920.
Overall
Linking Words
,it is completely changed today as there was
fountain
Correct article usage
a fountain
show examples
 in 1920 but now replaced with
rose
Correct article usage
a rose
show examples
garden
Use synonyms
 and water
fearures
Correct your spelling
features
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 added recently. A closer look
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
map
Correct article usage
the map
show examples
 shows
, stage
Correct word choice
that, stage
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 for musicians is transformed
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
Correct article usage
an Amphitheater
show examples
Amphitheater
Use the right word
amphitheatre
show examples
 for concerts and seats were removed and
built
Verb problem
apply
show examples
nearby rose
garden
Use synonyms
 in
centre
Correct article usage
the centre
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Pond
Correct article usage
the Pond
show examples
 is replaced with
play
Correct article usage
a play
show examples
 area for kids.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
rose
Correct article usage
the rose
show examples
garden
Use synonyms
 present in earlier years is now
exchanged
Verb problem
replaced
show examples
 with
cafe
Correct article usage
a cafe
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
entrance
Check wording
apply
show examples
underground car parking was
also
Linking Words
 installed.
However
Linking Words
, in ancient
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
time
Punctuation problem
time,
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 there was a glasshouse
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 now it is no
more
Rephrase
longer
show examples
 available
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 now there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 only two rose
Use synonyms
garden
Fix the agreement mistake
gardens
show examples
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 in 1920, there were three
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 various locations.But,
entrance
Correct article usage
the entrance
show examples
 remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as earlier
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was present beside Eldon
street
Fix capitalization
Street
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 entry was from Arnold Avenue.

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task achievement
Try to provide a clearer overview of the main changes in the park. A brief summary at the beginning can help set the stage for your descriptions.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas. This will help the reader understand how your points relate to each other.
task achievement
Provide more specific details about the changes. For example, explain what features the current rose garden has compared to the old one.
task achievement
You did well in mentioning specific features of the park and how they have changed over time.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • recreational facilities
  • landscaping
  • naturalistic
  • amenities
  • formal gardens
  • ergonomic
  • symmetric designs
  • inclusive
  • accessible
  • accommodations
  • native plant species
  • societal changes
  • visitor services
  • community events
  • evolution
  • modern playgrounds
  • wildflower meadows
What to do next:
Look at other essays: