IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In many countries, the number of people suffering from health problems due to being overweight is increasing. Some people believe that the best way to deal with this issue is to increase the price of unhealthy foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

As obesity
Change preposition
Obesity
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 is the main reason for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health issues in numerous places. Many people suggest that the only solution
for
Change preposition
to
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this
Linking Words
 dilemma is to sell junk food
with
Change preposition
at
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 high prices. As
this
Linking Words
 opinion is partly true. I believe there are more effective
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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. First and foremost. As
Increasing
Fix capitalization
increasing
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 the cost of
whealthy
Correct your spelling
healthy
 food might be one of the solutions, it still may not solve the problem. Fixing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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peoples
Check wording
people's
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 lifestyle is the first step to reach that goal.
For example
Linking Words
: in my country, only affluent people can afford
going
Wrong verb form
to go
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 to gyms as they are
costy
Correct your spelling
costly
.
Hence
Linking Words
, they should reduce the joining price for more people to subscribe and begin a healthy lifestyle.
secondly
Linking Words
. Another significant reason is that companies are providing only unhealthy snacks without any nutrition value to their employees, which may arise the issue, and as the staff spend halt of their day in wonk, Institutions must provide
for instance
Linking Words
 chef to cook valuable meals for staff not only to help with better lifestyle, but
also
Linking Words
 to energise them during the wanking hours. By way of conclusion. I once again reaffirm my views that reducing unhealthy meals cost may be a minor solution
,
Punctuation problem
.
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Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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this
Linking Words
 is one of the significant issues in the 20th century and should be highlighted and solved smartly by experts.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly outline your main argument in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to improve the flow of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to use correct spelling and grammar throughout your essay.
content
You present interesting ideas about lifestyle changes and workplace nutrition.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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