IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Whether or not a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck. Do you agree or disagree?

It is a questionable fact whether or not achieving goals in life is majorly dependent on
Correct article usage
an individuals
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individuals
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individual's
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 luck. I vehemently disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion as
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 and dedication play
pivotal
Correct article usage
a pivotal
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 role in one's journey
of
Change preposition
to
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success
Use synonyms
. The primary reason why achievements are not related to luck is that with immense
Correct your spelling
hard work
hardwork
Punctuation problem
hardwork,
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 one can reach the glorified heights of
success
Use synonyms
. To be more precise,
this
Linking Words
 quality
instills
Use the right word
instils
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 the habit of trying again and again until
success
Use synonyms
 is achieved.
Thus
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, it results in
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
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 of
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 skills. The hard-working person has
preseverance
Correct your spelling
perseverance
 to propel himself to do better despite facing hardships and hindrances.
Such
Linking Words
 a learner leaves nothing untried and works hard to be successful.
In contrast
Linking Words
, people who believe in fortune become lethargic and wait for a miracle to happen, which will brighten their future.
Linking Words
Further mmore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, people who are full of motivation are dedicated to
accomplish
Wrong verb form
accomplishing
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 their goals. Determination helps them to reach
pinnacle
Correct article usage
the pinnacle
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 of achievement,
due to
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 which fulfilment and recognition
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 ensured.
On the other hand
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, numerous youngsters who consider themselves to be lucky waste a lot of time hoping to achieve
success
Use synonyms
, without having any dedication towards work,
while
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 learners who are dedicated have aspirations to succeed, which is generally fruitful for their future.
For instance
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, the late owner of KFC, Harland
Sanders
Punctuation problem
Sanders,
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 was determined to establish his own
franchisee
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franchise
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. At
age
Correct article usage
the age
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 of 63, he succeeded after multiple failures, which reflects his tireless activities and dedication to be successful. In conclusion, I still
withstand
Verb problem
hold
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 my viewpoint of total disagreement, as being hard-working and dedicated helps one to achieve
success
Use synonyms
, irrespective of being lucky or not.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your main points in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words (like 'however', 'also', 'for example') to connect ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that all your examples clearly support your main points.
task achievement
You have provided clear reasons for your disagreement with the statement.
task achievement
Your use of examples, like Harland Sanders, adds depth to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • luck
  • determination
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • skills
  • continuous learning
  • achievements
  • opportunities
  • networking
  • personal accountability
  • diverse backgrounds
  • access to resources
  • causality
  • creative industries
  • structured fields
  • linear
  • predicated on merit
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