IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

It is well-known that electronic gadgets are becoming popular in
education
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.
While
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 there are some supporters of
this
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 tendency, there is an obvious opposition claiming that it has a negative impact. Personally, I believe that
this
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 trend certainly benefits
students
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 in their educational process, making it more convenient. On the one hand, modern technologies have vastly penetrated into all aspects of our
life
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lives
including
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, including
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education
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, having detrimental effects on everything. Nowadays,
students
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 tend to heavily rely rely heavily on
technologies
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technology
in
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In
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 accomplishing almost all their assignments
and
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, and
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 rarely use their own thinking.
Consequently
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, that leads to inflated grades of their actual performance and capabilities. A study of one European university showed that more than
a
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half of the
students
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 used unreferenced digital information as their own to complete home tasks,
thus
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 increasing the rate of plagiarism.
As a result
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, on the main project, those who cheated on home assignments demonstrated much lower scores than those who did all the work themselves.
However
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, I think these facts are not enough to outweigh the benefits of using technological devices.
Nevertheless
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, some people argue that technological advancements make a valuable contribution to the
education
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 process. Currently,
students
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 are not
burdened
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required
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 to carry heavy textbooks
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instead
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; instead
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, they can bring only a laptop or tablet.
Moreover
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, the amount of knowledge is not limited to the information in
a
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books anymore. Now, almost all
students
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 around the globe have the same level of access to data, which has equalised their opportunities for self-improvement.
For example
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,
students
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 with internet in rural areas of our country now have access to millions of free materials
of
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from the best universities in the world.
That is
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 why I believe that the use of technology has a mainly favourable impact on
education
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. In conclusion,
although
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 devices have drawbacks
on
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in the performance of
students
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, I am convinced that
this
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 tendency is bringing significant improvements in the quality
as well as
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 efficiency of the educational process.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to link your ideas more clearly. Use transition words to help the reader follow your argument better.
task achievement
Try to support your ideas with specific examples or details to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Watch for grammar mistakes and repeated phrases. This will help make your writing clearer.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.
task achievement
You express a clear opinion in the conclusion, which is good for the overall message.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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