IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In some high schools, part of the curriculum requires students to participate in community work such as helping the elderly or disabled. In what way do children benefit from this? Do you think it should be part of the curriculum?

Encouraging counterparts to participate in
extra curriculum
Correct word choice
extracurricular
show examples
actitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
 in their early school years,
such
Linking Words
 as social service work by helping physically disabled or
old age
Check wording
elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
 will discuss the benefits for the youngsters
as well as
Linking Words
 my own opinion
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the addition of
such
Linking Words
curriculum
Correct article usage
a curriculum
show examples
. A significant positive aspect is that
addition
Correct article usage
the addition
show examples
 of extra activities in schools, where students will do community work
such
Linking Words
 as supporting and taking care of
people
Use synonyms
 who are physically
disable
Replace the word
disabled
show examples
 and aged, will develop a sense of humanity
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
 kids from a very young age. Another notable advantage is that
such
Linking Words
 steps will help students to
flourish
Verb problem
develop
show examples
 empathy, which in turn proves to be
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
show examples
 and
down to earth
Use the right word
down-to-earth
show examples
 human.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, from my perspective, it is a great initiative towards the betterment of our community. I personally
beleives
Correct your spelling
believe
 in
such
Linking Words
 good deeds, as I come from a
sociaty
Correct your spelling
society
 where
people
Use synonyms
 admit their parents to the residential home, and
then
Linking Words
 never go back to them to check whether they are happy or not.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if we encourage young kids to go to
such
Linking Words
 places and spend some time with those
people
Use synonyms
 will give them emotional support. In the conclusion, there
are
Verb problem
is are
show examples
 abundance of benefits of adding curriculum in schools which
ehance
Correct your spelling
enhance
 the value of emotional support in students.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 activities will result in
flourishing
Correct article usage
a flourishing
show examples
 future for young minds.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but try to ensure your main points are well organized and clearly linked to your introduction. This will help the reader to follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Consider using more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could explain how helping the elderly can teach students about life lessons or respect for others.
coherence and cohesion
Watch out for spelling and grammar mistakes. Words like 'among', 'believes', and 'society' need to be spelled correctly to help with clarity.
task achievement
You have a good start with discussing the importance of community work for students, which shows a clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your personal opinion adds a nice touch, making your essay more relatable and engaging to readers.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • empathy
  • emotional intelligence
  • social skills
  • team collaboration
  • real-world experience
  • civic responsibility
  • self-esteem
  • hands-on learning
  • career exploration
  • skill development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: