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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people say educational success is because of good teachers where as others say it depends on students. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Educational
success
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 is a topic of ongoing debate.
While
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 some argue that excellent teaching is the key determinant of academic achievement, others believe that
students
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' effort and motivation play a more crucial role.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my opinion. On one hand, effective
teachers
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 play an undeniably important role in shaping
students
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' academic outcomes. Skilled educators not only convey knowledge but
also
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 inspire, guide, and adapt their teaching methods to suit different learning styles.
For example
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, a passionate teacher can ignite interest in a subject that a
student
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 might
otherwise
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 find dull or difficult.
Furthermore
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,
teachers
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 with strong pedagogical skills can identify and support struggling learners, helping them overcome academic obstacles. As
such
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, it is reasonable to suggest that a knowledgeable and committed teacher can make a significant difference in a
student
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's
success
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.
On the other hand
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,
students
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 themselves are ultimately responsible for their own learning. No matter how capable or dedicated a teacher is, educational
success
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 cannot be achieved without the active participation and determination of the
student
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.
For instance
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, highly motivated
students
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 often perform well even in under-resourced schools or with less experienced
teachers
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.
Additionally
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, independent study habits, self-discipline, and goal-setting are all
student
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-driven factors that heavily influence academic performance.
Therefore
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,
student
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 effort is arguably the most decisive element in educational outcomes. In my opinion,
while
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 good
teachers
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 can enhance and facilitate learning, it is the
student
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's attitude and commitment that play the most critical role. A
student
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 who is motivated will seek out resources, ask questions, and persist in the face of challenges, regardless of external circumstances.
Teachers
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 can open the door, but it is the
student
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 who must walk through it. In conclusion, both
teachers
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 and
students
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 contribute to educational
success
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, but I believe the greater responsibility lies with the
students
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. Their dedication and willingness to learn are the driving forces behind meaningful academic achievement.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure and is easy to follow. Each paragraph has a main idea that supports your overall argument.
task achievement
In the introduction, make sure to include a strong thesis statement that clearly outlines your opinion.
task achievement
Use a few more specific examples to strengthen your points, mentioning real-life situations or statistics if possible.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument well, which shows a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Your vocabulary is good and fits well with the topic, making your arguments clear.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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