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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

diagram below shows the floor plan of a public library 20 years ago and how it looks now summarize information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons relevant

diagram below shows the floor plan of a public library 20 years ago and how it looks now summarize information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons relevant
The drawings illustrate the layout of a public library 20 years ago and now after refurbishment.
Overall
Linking Words
, from the
center
Use the right word
centre
show examples
 of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 library
tables
Punctuation problem
, tables
show examples
 and chairs
removed
Verb problem
were removed
show examples
 for people and
leave it
Wrong verb form
left
show examples
 vacant
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
entrance
Correct article usage
the entrance
show examples
 of the library remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as before.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
mostly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
each section has been changed from
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
 years.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in place of CDs, videos,
computer
Correct word choice
and computer
show examples
 games
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 children’s
fictions
Fix the agreement mistake
fiction book
show examples
books
Use synonyms
 shelves have been arranged with sofas for people to sit and enjoy storytelling events. Meanwhile, the
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
Use synonyms
books
Fix the agreement mistake
book
show examples
 corner converted
in to
Use the right word
into
show examples
lecture
Correct article usage
a lecture
show examples
 room.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the adult non-fiction
books
Use synonyms
 department changed to adult fiction
books
Use synonyms
 as per public interest
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 information desks and
self -service
Use the right word
self-service
show examples
 machines to modernise the place. Noticeably, the old enquiry desk
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 which was for tickets, book
returns
Punctuation problem
returns,
show examples
used
Verb problem
has
show examples
 now
reconstructed
Verb problem
been reconstructed
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
café
Correct article usage
a café
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the old reading room for newspapers and magazines
now
Verb problem
is now
show examples
placed
Verb problem
equipped
show examples
 with computers and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the reference
books
Use synonyms
 department
placed
Verb problem
was placed
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of adult fiction
books
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words books with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • layout
  • modern technology
  • computer stations
  • multimedia room
  • multi-purpose spaces
  • conference rooms
  • study spaces
  • community-oriented services
  • accessibility
  • wider aisles
  • ramps
  • designated areas
  • people with disabilities
  • cafeteria
  • coffee shop
  • leisurely space
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